Hug the World

No matter how much you hug your money it never hugs you back. Try hugging a person, you will get it back right away.  And what more… it changes your metabolism. Scientists opine that hugging increases oxytocin which may make us live longer than those who don’t hug and hence feel isolated.

Hugging is not easy. It takes a lot of courage to do so. I was very talkative and an extrovert even as a kid. But I was extremely clumsy in hugging. I was the kind In school when the teacher asks us to hold hands, I would say “No thanks I’ll just hold my own’. That may have well have been the beginning of my aversion towards human contact. As a kid, I remember grandparents, aunts and uncles giving me those horrible hugs. If I didn’t blatantly push them off or try to wriggle away, I stood there stiff as a board till the torture was over.  .

Let me take a moment here and put fears to rest. I was never touched inappropriately by anyone…. No uncle. …No neighbor

I actually wasn’t touched at all, which may be part of the problem.  I come from a close knit family which had 2 daughters who they sent to ‘Only- girls’ convent school run by ‘untouched’ nuns. We went for movies, dinners and picnics. It is just we have never been close in the physical sense. In fact I don’t remember my parents being outwardly loving with each other, besides a little smile and an awkward hug on their anniversary or birthdays.

I somehow managed to escape hugs in high school and college. Then when I came to Hyderabad and had to make new friends, hugging and its close relative air-kissing became mandatory. It was then that I realized that my hugging repugnance was not about how I felt. I was just scared that I was incompetent in this area. Then I started working towards being a better hugger consciously. and this is how. 

Step -1 I let myself being hugged by females. Sometimes it was a just a hug and sometimes it  was more. I was squeezed between Victoria's Secrets Miracle bra, way too-much- Mac make-up and all kinds of French or Arabic perfumes. 

Step-2 Moving on hugging members of the opposite sex. Hugging smart, toned and successful guys was actually easy and enjoyable. But there are those men who have never hugged their mother/ sister/ daughter in all theit but know want to do so at the pretext of being modern. " Com'on , gimme a hug" they would say. Ewwwww... gross.. What have I got myself into. That's when a traditional handshake or a namashkar comes handy. 

Step -3 Realizing I was capable of connection, I went on to master whom to hug and when to hug. Sometimes it may not be a real full-on body hug. it may be a light pat on the back, a side- hug or even a warm smile.

Now I even accidentally hug my staff or clients who open their arms just to show be the way. 

Stepping into 2013

Ahh.. the countdown to the doomsday was a hoax. I am happy to step into 2013 along with seven billion others, alive and awesome. The 2013  NYE party was no different from that of last year except that we saw a lot of the 'we-survived-the apocalypse' kind of PDA. Earlier it was more of  the 'we-managed-to-stay-together' kind of a hug. And of course there were usual scenes like people throwing up, falling down and or fighting with each other or the bouncers.. When there is unlimited drink, there will be chaos (read entertainment). 

The Mayans had predicted a final event in their 5125 year old calender ending on 21st December 2012. Mexico's tourism agency sold the date. They had over 50 million tourist visiting south Mexico. I was a victim too. I sold the idea to my poor Mom and took her all the way to Chichen-Itza to check out the doomsday theory. But good for us the Mayan apocalypse became another Y 2 K frenzy.

 Now back to reality. Economic Crisis, Global warming, Technology collapse, Terrorism, Mass atrocities. Arab upheavals, Nuclear concerns and closer home unrestrained rapes. In India more gangrapes occurred than gangnam style played. 

Else, things are pretty much the same. Obama is back ... so is Modi. The top and perennial prayer for the new year continues to be -  A fat bank balance and a slim waist. 

Lets see what 2013 has to offer. Probably Obama is right ‘The best is yet to come’ 

Wishing you all a Happy New Year 2013. 

Not a vegan!

When I was young my father said "Gal I have something to say” 

And what he told me, I'll never forget until my dyin' day

He said, "Gal, you will be a non-veg lass and that's the way to stay

Gal,  stay off hay and grass until your dyin’ day’                                                                           

As time goes by, I probably will get cholesterol problem and so on

Then I may have to eat shoots and leaves and join the rest of the clan 
Until then I will be Non veg lass and that’s the way I will stay

Happy to be a non-veg lass till my dyin’ day

(credit to Cliff Richard’s Bachelor Boy)

That’s the story on why I am a die hard non-veggie. I firmly believe that man is essentially an Omnivore, meaning he can eat anything and that includes non- vegetarian foods.

Vegetarians, Lacto vegetarians and Ova-vegetarians, I present to you my case on why man was designed to eat animal protein.

Back in the cave-man days, men who could not hunt, ride a horse or throw a spear were called vegetarians and ate grass, leaves and fruits which grew near the caves. 

Strictly speaking a person who has milk, butter and cheese is not a vegetarian as these are sourced from animals too.One could call them lacto-vegetarians. And then we have Ova-vegetarian (Egg eaters) and then the Pescetarians (Sea animal eaters)

Now moving on to more scientific thinking.

EVIDENCE NO-1    All animal based protein source like meat, chicken, eggs and diary products require an acid base for digestion. Fruits and vegetables require an alkaline medium. The ability of carnivores  to secrete Hydrocloric Acid is exceptional. MAN HAS AN ACID PH. If he was designed to be a vegetarian, why does he have an acidic pH?

EVIDENCE NO-2  If man is truly a vegetarian as the vegetarians claim that we are, then we should be having the enzyme called Cellulase like the cattle to digest cellulose… ( you may know this as ‘fibre’)  MAN DOES NOT PRODUCE CELLULASE …never did and probably never will.

EVIDENCE NO- 3 . Our intestinal length is about 23 feet about 7 times the body length from mouth -to- end of spine.. Cats and dogs have 4 times the length and horse and cattle have about 20 times. We are somewhere in between suggesting that we were designed to eat both.

EVIDENCE NO- 4 . Our dentition is suited both to tackle bones and vegetables. Check it out... we have pointed teeth and flat teeth as well. 

EVIDENCE NO- 5 . We have a simple single chamber stomach unlike the grass eating animals    

RELATED STUFF - There was a news report in Tamil daily on 3rd Dec 2012 that a goat was found eating cooked mutton... Damn... This cannibalism has got money written over it !! We may soon have lamb-fed lamb at the stores. 

Vegans ... I am ready to hear your point of view. 

Friends - Finding and Fending

I've made an important discovery recently and it is not a lip plumping lipstick, or a new brand of Wonderbra ... not even how to make your ass look tighter. 

(To what extent one needs to go to get eyeballs on da blog) Anyways .. guess they worked and I have your attention since the topic is a little uninspiring 

It's on friendships... Connections. I discovered that sometimes certain people are thrust into our lives for a reason and some for no reason. 

Let me fill you on why I got this thought. I have been living in this apartment along with 25 other families for the past 10 years. I don't know their names excepting one who happens to be my close friend. One fine day, disturbing my post noon nap, I get a call from one of them requesting me to attend a ' Get-to know-your neighbors session' asap. She remembered that I existed and called to invite me only after my friend brought my absence to her notice. Do I want to know her? I mean we have been co-existing peacefully for several years without knowing each other. Would I want to upset this equilibrium.? The answer is a clear ' No'. However I did attend the meet, had the chaat and stuff and came back without knowing any of their names. 


Coming back to friendships. After a while, we kind of get so used to our existing friends that the very idea of taking trouble to know someone new is alarming. The majority of my friendships have been class mates, college mates, work colleagues and weight watchers at my gym.  And there are those who are not connected in any way, but I guess they are there for some reason. Familiarity may breed contempt but maintaining a known devil as a friend is easier!

Just occurred to me that the difference between a romantic relationship and platonic friendship is that love is blind whereas friendship tries not to notice. The one I am addressing here is a mutualistic symbiotic relationship. Yes, I need them. Need them as much as I need the good bacteria in my intestine. I house around 30 - 40 species of them. But do they need to get introduced to me like 'I am Peptococcus ....Peptostreptococcus' a la Bond style!!!

Anyways, its my turn to host the next get-together. Not sure how to wriggle out of this predicament. Shall let you guys know how it went. 

"I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones" 

-  Oscar Wilde. (1852)

"I know everything about my old friends and I want to know nothing about the new ones '               - Oscar Wilde ( 2012)

Namasthe India

Back after a long hiatus . 

There was an interesting discussion last night at a friend’s party on how to address people. The point of discussion was on

Do we flaunt Indian-ness and call each other Kapoorji or Reddy gaaru and say Namasthe or Namashkar or slip into a more global way of greeting people Hello/ Hi or just a head nod or handshake

Salutations are a way of acknowledging the presence of a person when we meet them or leave. Rank or age definitely calls for an appropriate way of addressing by sheer virtue of power, position or respect. Work-related communication also requires a certain degree of formality.  But many corporate companies are shifting to addressing each other by first name basis to get a more friendly work environment .

But how about at a social gathering

Do we say a Namasthe, Namashkar, Vanakkum to peer level people?

Do the twitteratti, facebookers and blackberry kids even use these terms ?

And at what age do we start suffixing a Ji (Hindi) … gaaru (Telugu) .. awargal (Tamil)

I couldn't find any agreed upon criteria in the internet . So a lets get a li’l situational just for kicks.  At a birthday party a friend introduces another friend 

Friend – Meet Suresh Raju, my chaddi dost

Me (How do I address this guy... anyways he does not look good but seems full of money ...May need him for business purpose later .. so let me go the formal way)

- Namasthe Suresh Raju gaaru

Suresh (Ugghh..Why is she addressing me so formally...Didn't she see my I Fone 5, my Armani shirt and my Italian shoes .. damn the Armani .. Is the logo too small or am I looking so old? Anyways  I can't even flirt with her now)  - Namasthe Madamji ... 

Friend - (Jeez.. whats going on? .. thought that 'gaaru' for the Old and the ordinary... not the Bold and beautiful ) - ????!!!!!!

Jesus  -   ???!!!!......Should send another Superstorm Sandy or may be a mad guy with a gun .. Do not take Gods name in vain

The birthday guy who is 3 drinks down already - 
                            A wife is addressed Ma'am, short for Madam
                      The husband is addressed Sir ... short for Servant??

Maid in India

Maids are indispensable. Maids are unavoidable. Maids are awesome. Even if they don't come in cute packages like the one in the picture, if you get a good maid, you might as well treat her well.

Am I getting too emotional?... Tears hold on… I have a blog to complete  

Yes, we have to come to terms with the fact that the Kantabens or Kanthammas have become the most important person in our life. A wife can live without a husband for a day or two. The husband would be only too happy if his wife left him alone for a couple of days. But not so with the maid. Either of them cannot live without the maid even for a day. Being unable to find or afford a maid means you do everything yourself. Forget cooking and cleaning .. you have to go get water all by yourself from the fridge. You have search for your car keys, remote control etc all by yourself.

We have increased their salaries and extended their perks, accommodation, TV, cable connection, gas supply, occasional dinner with family and a movie or so. They eat what we eat .. rice at Rs 40/ kg, chicken and lamb, fruits and nuts. But here’s the problem. The maids have come to realize just how invaluable they are. And that changes everything. They are getting less diligent, less punctual and more quarrelsome. Or they quit for greener pastures.

When it comes to attrition, Indian maids are worse than software engineers. Even software engineers last on an average one year at a job. If that weren’t bad enough, they just disappear. No notice period. No tearful farewell emails. Not even send-off at Café coffee Day. One day they are there, and the next day there’s a sinkful of dishes waiting to be cleaned.

At this rate, soon only the uber rich in India like the Ambanis and the likes will be able afford maids. Hard to imagine isn’t it?  Lemme make it easy for you, the John Lennon way

Imagine there's no maidservants
It's not easy even if you try
No one to wash our dishes
No one to dust our houses
Imagine all the people cleaning everyday

Imagine there's no maidservants
It isn't easy to do
Toilets to clean, floors to mop

And clothes to launder too
Imagine all the people living life in stink

You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but I may not be the only one
I hope that day never comes here
Or India and America will be one!

ALL about BALLS

Warning - This blog may be a little offensive. Reader discretion required especially for those with XY chromosome 

There are a lot of short term interesting jobs people do before they settle for the final one. Mine was the brief stint as a Filariasis Research Officer in Pondicherry where I had to go to the study village every fortnightly, meet the guys whom we had given the drugs and enquire whether they had fever with swelling of their 'balls'. ( Side note - I wonder whether the word 'to testify' came from the word 'testis'... since our ancestors may have sworn on theirs balls before the Holy books were used for swearing!)  

Back to my story... Geezz.....There are things people do for money, but enquiring about Ball Health was a little over the top... or should I say under the bottom?  But People.. believe me, I did it for a noble cause so that we could preserve the contraption which houses the little bastards for procreation. 

That’s not all. If the unfortunate guy did have a swelling, then my team leader would  take him inside his house and then assess the size of his balls. Thankfully since I was a lady Medical officer, both the patient and I were spared of the trauma of peering into his privates in the confines of his own house. I don't know what the wives thought of me, but I thought that 'Tamilian lungis' were convenient in more ways than one!

Over a period of time, we developed our own system of ball measurement - Lemon size, Orange size, Melon size. Now don’t ask me why we went fruity about the nutties. The process came to be known as RBA (Rapid Ball Assessment) and I did'nt patent it. Though, textbooks do mention an extreme condition, thankfully, I did’nt encounter any elephant size balls requiring a wheel barrow to lug it around . Ugh..

Heard that the medical fraternity has plans to eliminate the condition by 2020... so till then I guess its only best wishes for the boys :-)

An old elephant joke from college days. 

Qtn -1 Why did the elephant paint his balls red?

Ans -1 'Cos he wanted to hide among the cherry bush

Qtn -2 How did Tarzan die?

Ans -2 He tried plucking cherries from the bush.

This one is a jewel ...

Latest statement from the Queen via Buckingham Palace UK

"We confirm that the water in the pool was very very cold...!! One would not call this a good representation of our “Crown Jewels” ...!!