Maid in India

Maids are indispensable. Maids are unavoidable. Maids are awesome. Even if they don't come in cute packages like the one in the picture, if you get a good maid, you might as well treat her well.

Am I getting too emotional?... Tears hold on… I have a blog to complete  

Yes, we have to come to terms with the fact that the Kantabens or Kanthammas have become the most important person in our life. A wife can live without a husband for a day or two. The husband would be only too happy if his wife left him alone for a couple of days. But not so with the maid. Either of them cannot live without the maid even for a day. Being unable to find or afford a maid means you do everything yourself. Forget cooking and cleaning .. you have to go get water all by yourself from the fridge. You have search for your car keys, remote control etc all by yourself.

We have increased their salaries and extended their perks, accommodation, TV, cable connection, gas supply, occasional dinner with family and a movie or so. They eat what we eat .. rice at Rs 40/ kg, chicken and lamb, fruits and nuts. But here’s the problem. The maids have come to realize just how invaluable they are. And that changes everything. They are getting less diligent, less punctual and more quarrelsome. Or they quit for greener pastures.

When it comes to attrition, Indian maids are worse than software engineers. Even software engineers last on an average one year at a job. If that weren’t bad enough, they just disappear. No notice period. No tearful farewell emails. Not even send-off at Café coffee Day. One day they are there, and the next day there’s a sinkful of dishes waiting to be cleaned.

At this rate, soon only the uber rich in India like the Ambanis and the likes will be able afford maids. Hard to imagine isn’t it?  Lemme make it easy for you, the John Lennon way

Imagine there's no maidservants
It's not easy even if you try
No one to wash our dishes
No one to dust our houses
Imagine all the people cleaning everyday

Imagine there's no maidservants
It isn't easy to do
Toilets to clean, floors to mop

And clothes to launder too
Imagine all the people living life in stink

You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but I may not be the only one
I hope that day never comes here
Or India and America will be one!

ALL about BALLS

Warning - This blog may be a little offensive. Reader discretion required especially for those with XY chromosome 

There are a lot of short term interesting jobs people do before they settle for the final one. Mine was the brief stint as a Filariasis Research Officer in Pondicherry where I had to go to the study village every fortnightly, meet the guys whom we had given the drugs and enquire whether they had fever with swelling of their 'balls'. ( Side note - I wonder whether the word 'to testify' came from the word 'testis'... since our ancestors may have sworn on theirs balls before the Holy books were used for swearing!)  

Back to my story... Geezz.....There are things people do for money, but enquiring about Ball Health was a little over the top... or should I say under the bottom?  But People.. believe me, I did it for a noble cause so that we could preserve the contraption which houses the little bastards for procreation. 

That’s not all. If the unfortunate guy did have a swelling, then my team leader would  take him inside his house and then assess the size of his balls. Thankfully since I was a lady Medical officer, both the patient and I were spared of the trauma of peering into his privates in the confines of his own house. I don't know what the wives thought of me, but I thought that 'Tamilian lungis' were convenient in more ways than one!

Over a period of time, we developed our own system of ball measurement - Lemon size, Orange size, Melon size. Now don’t ask me why we went fruity about the nutties. The process came to be known as RBA (Rapid Ball Assessment) and I did'nt patent it. Though, textbooks do mention an extreme condition, thankfully, I did’nt encounter any elephant size balls requiring a wheel barrow to lug it around . Ugh..

Heard that the medical fraternity has plans to eliminate the condition by 2020... so till then I guess its only best wishes for the boys :-)

An old elephant joke from college days. 

Qtn -1 Why did the elephant paint his balls red?

Ans -1 'Cos he wanted to hide among the cherry bush

Qtn -2 How did Tarzan die?

Ans -2 He tried plucking cherries from the bush.

This one is a jewel ...

Latest statement from the Queen via Buckingham Palace UK

"We confirm that the water in the pool was very very cold...!! One would not call this a good representation of our “Crown Jewels” ...!!