Sweats and Pains

I hit the gym ... finally!

It was not to lose weight

It was not to get in shape

It was not to energize my brain

And it was not to glow my skin

It was to get me out of my recently acquired but forcefully addictive habit namely - The Great Afternoon Nap, which actually started extending right into the evening.

Let me give you the background. I was always a hyperactive child… one could even say a difficult one.   I could never sleep after lunch.  I would read, study, memorize or play games or play pranks. Was in both ends of the spectrum .. had outstanding grades in the class and was also ‘standing-out’ of the class.  But, winning accolades or brickbats came at a cost – no afternoon nap!

The sleepless-noon phenomenon continued right through college and early career.  And then I swtiched career and decided to work smart. No night shifts, no work on Sundays, no work on holidays … ok here is the grandaddy of all .. I decided to work only for 5 hours a day. So I get back home for lunch and since I had nothing else to do, I took to napping.   Initially it was for half an hour, then an hour and then couple of hours.  Sometimes I would be sleeping till my hubby came back home from office at 7.00 pm. The power nap became a powerful nap and I needed divine intervention to kick off this habit. And guess what ..... I was heard. One of the most popular Gym in the city opened shop close by and closed doors on my post lunch siesta.

Boy, they really know how to keep the girls interested. No, there was no young, good looking, well bodied male instructors. But who needs them anyways, when we have the Zumba, the Bumba and the Tumba  (the last two being dancing to Bollywood and Telugu item numbers).  I was happily gyrating, kicking, reverse curling, lunging, stepping and stretching all the while thinking I was just dancing.  A cleverly disguised program… indeed.

Three weeks of Aerobics, and here I am, this is me

No forty winks

A hamstring pull

Calf muscle cramps

Gluteal strain

Sore biceps

Broken Toe nails

Ten pairs of gym clothes

Three pairs of sports shoes

And wondering, whether to sign up for the next month.  

A close friend consolingly chips in "You require at least 45 days for acclimatization". 

Any other advice people? 

How to keep a guy

We girls sure know how to find a guy. The problem is keeping him. Here's short summary of Do’s and Don’t for preventing a break-up.

Do’s

1. Give him the complete control of the TV remote (Remember, they are used to holding things in their hand)
2. Be sure to disappear during Cricket/ Football matches (You cannot match upto to Tendulkar or Messi even if you ran around nude)
3. But be around and ready, when he is the mood for a little play (And you should appear sexy, excited and ready to fake)
4. Keep the house clean even if he does not notice. (He sure will if it is dirty)
5. Praise his Mom now and then, especially her cooking ( Even if her cooking skills are comparable to that of Dalai lama's)

Don’ts

1. Do not ask him where he was, where he is and where he is going ( In all probability he does not remember or even if he does he is going to lie)
2. Do not expect him to remember Birthdays, Anniversaries, etc (that’s too trivial an information for him to store and retrieve)
3. Do not ask him what he is thinking... (‘cos guys have the ability to be totally blank and not think, a skill which we women folk completely lack)
4. Do not expect any kind of praise, acknowledgement or gifts. (You are above all these)
5. Do not try to change him or his dress sense, hobbies, mannerisms (Try  bringing about environmental changes.. that may be may be easier)

(Sigh)  Break-up appears a lot easier doesn't it?

L, M, N, O, P, ___, R, S, T,

Lets face it. Indians hate Q. I mean we hate to stand in a Queue. We prefer a ‘chess board approach’ of moving together.  In any customer service, you will notice at least 4-5 people standing in front of the desk along with the person who is being serviced listening to all the conversations and transactions. This is an universal Indian phenomenon. You will notice it in all places where there should be a queue.  

I do not know where the westerners learnt to stand in a line, but they do, with no display of exasperation or aggression. If you have visited any theme parks outside India, you will understand what I am talking about. People stand patiently in serpentine queues with popcorn and coke. One fall-out of long queues however is, there is more time for popcorn and coke and hence more obesity.... (a case of sour grapes)

Back home, even if there was a disorganized queue as in Airport Check-in counters, people stand so close to you, giving a totally new meaning to the term ‘Breathing on your neck’.   I have devised a technique to circumvent this problem, which I am going to share with you. I keep my trolley bag right behind me to ensure the guy behind is at trolley-length and a bad breath away from me.  

One should actually visit Tirupathi Temple if they want to see how a sea of people can move without standing in queues. It is a miracle. There is no line what so ever, there are only compartments.  People move choc-a-block from one chamber to another. There are staff all over the place who keep saying  ‘jarugandi’ and lo and behold the entire group moves.  It reminds of the chambers of the heart where bad blood is collected, purified and then pumped out good.  But here, in the Lord’s abode…bad come out bad. 

This queueless  phenomenon is also seen in other holy places like Sabarimala. Occassionally it becomes a stampede and we lose a few hundred people.  Such news no more shocks us as a nation. 

There is only one solution. All the Gods have to get together and say ‘Let there be a line’

Bollywood or Angresiwood?

Welcome to this blog!

 

Hello brother, Do not disturb me. There is No entry for you in my thoughts. If you do, I will Murder you and I will be in Jail. I am not a Page 3 person nor a Corporate honcho.  I do not sell Kites at Traffic Signal nor do I wear Jeans to a Fashion show. My Wednesday is not black and I don’t want Chocolate or Cash. All I Wanted was movies with Indian names

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This trend is not new. Several years back a CID tracked down a Jewel thief from Bombay to Goa only to find him with Julie, his Dream girl enjoying an Evening in Paris.

All the best Partner. For every Bluffmaster or a Gangster, there are 3 idiots. For every Robot there is a Gentleman. But for all the Bollywood movies with English names do we have at least one Hollywood movie with an Indian name?

Mr. Cameron, Thank you for listening…. I loved Avatar.