Marriage jokes and pokes

On the topic of marriage if there is one thing common about marriages across the world, its all the funny jokes ridiculing married life. Some of these may be true, some aren't. But to find out which apply to you, you gotta get married first, which apparently everyone does. One cannot be happy always, they have get married sometime !!


Lets begin with the wedding ceremony itself. This one is classic. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.... It's called a Wedding Cake! In India, would that be the mother-in laws Welcome kheer?  Regarding the wedding parties, the current rationale is 'If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable' I could agree here. Of course some people do mention on their invitation 'Avoid gifts please' but you should read between the lines.. they mean ' Guys, we may not like your choice, so give us cash' 


Moving over to the choice of person , said one woman to another at a cocktail party, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."  There is an equivalent for the guys -  'Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that'


Then there are ones on staying married. This is one of my favorites 
Qtn - Why do married women put on weight and the single stay slim?
Ans - The single woman sees whats in her fridge and goes to the bed ..the married see whats on her bed and then goes to the fridge 


In defence of men, here's one to counter the above. 
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Doctor: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come.


The list is endless... the message however is not pointless

Marriage is like a toilet. Whoever is outside, is desperate to get inside and whoever has been in there, is desperate to get out 

The great Indian Wedding

Last night, attended a Telugu Wedding .. not very big.. not very fat... but beautiful. Beautiful since it felt like a cultural event There was a Sangeet a week prior to it wherein the groom and bride had danced to bollywood annd tollywood songs along with the rest of the jollywood (read relatives) Then there was the white horsed Baraat, which I understand is a welcome parade for the groom that generally takes place in a north Indian wedding. Normally only the grooms friends dance in front of the baraat. However yesterday, the brides relatives and friends also joined in the baraat. A combined baraat in a telugu wedding .. next is what?


Not only there is a bigtime revival of tradition and culture, there is a slow and welcoming amalgamation as well. You could choose from a wide palette of rituals depending on the interest and budget - Lagna Patra , Shagun (engagement).  tikka Ceremony, Haldi ceremony, Mehendi ceremony, Sangeet etc etc... There is no social policing here. Celebrating Indian Culture seems to be the latest fashion to hit the high streets of India and what better way to do it than a wedding? 


Couldn't help recall Lord Macaulay's address to the British Parliament on 2nd February1835 -   "I don't think we can conquer India, unless we break the very back bone of the nation which is her spiirtual and cultural backbone" . The British did exactly that. But decades later, we are celebrating our culture with a vengenace and rightfully so. We are more united than ever before.

Wedding ceremonies are getting more meaningfully elaborate. Women are getting dressier. Half saree, which was almost extinct is back and so are the vadannams (waistbelt), vankis ( armlet), maang tikka and jhumkas. Men sport traditional look too. 


Indian weddings are not just about two people.. or not even about two families as Chetan Bhagat said....it is about a community celebrating culture. With increasing inter-caste, inter-region, inter-community and inter-religion marriages, the Indian weddings are easily the best method of national integration and culture preservation. 


Bring it on people... Let's celebrate indian-ness !!

Easter wishes from God

My dear children,

It's 2012 years since I sent my only son to earth to redeem you people of all sins,  but I am not sure whether it paid off. Though I am the Boss, there has been fewer entries to my house than the house which hosted Big Boss. Now that my house is as empty as the movie halls which screened SRKs and Saifs productions, I think it's time for a review. 

If Jesus had not been there, you would have still been worshipping the Sun, watched each other fight and kill in an arena, slept with your sisters and brothers, married multiple people and only GOD know what else . oops only I know what else. I gave you the twelve commandments to get rid of idolatry, blasphemy, murder, theft and adultery.  Don't be surprised ... Yes there was 12 ... That chappie Moses broke a part of the tablet and 2  important ones fell down the Mount of Sinai .  You evolved, got civilized and I was happy.

Over the last few centuries, you were moving away from me. I kept creating situations to remind you that I  exist.. I sent hurricanes, cyclones, volcanoes, quakes and the tsunamis. Even 911 and 26/11 did not seem to have any impact on you. Only the likes of Obamas and Manmohans remember them for vested interests. You guys just light up a few candles, show up for some condolence meetings and then what? .. Forget and move on?..

Now the blame game . There are some people whom I hold directly responsible for turning you guys off me. Top on the list is the Google guy ... he brought all kinds of info to your fingertips. I burnt Sodom and Gomorroh, but I am clueless on how to destroy Internet.  And now with Google coming out with eye wear, you are sure to turn a blind eye to all my rantings. Hmmm... planning to hire some Chinese hackers. 

Next is the Facebook fella. All you guys do now is to 'like' each other and he gets his millions. My son also taught the same 'Love one and another' and all he got was a cross. Facebook has taken all of you out from the places of worship. Heard that churches are being rented as party venues. Planning to open a Facebook account...yet to get a catchy name to catch your attention. Suggestions are welcome.

I can go on, but you guys have a short reading span. so let me keep it simple.  

Be religious and follow the holy books

Do not sin. If you have done so already, then seek repentance 

If I do not see the situation improving, then I have to give a green signal to the 2012  Mayan prophecy ... let there be flood.. or may be ice 

Happy Easter 

Your Father in Heaven 

When small felt good

As a smallish person, I have felt cheated since I am subsidizing for those who are bigger, larger, taller and I do not like it. 
When I buy 'S' size clothes, I pay the same as someone who wear XXL. There is roughly 50% more material and I still pay the same. Isn't that unfair? 

Take the example of air travel. When my baggage is overweight by even 5 kgs, they make me pay for those extra kilos.. but how about those overweight people, who are twice my weight. They pay the same cost as me and occupy more space and in fact occupy parts of my space also... When Air France decided to charge their overweight passengers extra, three-quarters of travelers believed that the airline is right in doing so.( the remaining 25% had to be the overweight people) . Though the Air France ' Fat tax' seems a bit harsh, we can pass it off as a step towards controlling Obesity. I have a good idea to solve this. Why not have a100 kg per ticket policy.. the passengers and baggage weight should not exceed 100 kg. .. it looks like a win-win situation.

The list of larger people enjoying more perks is endless .. they consume more oxygen, eat more at ' All-you-can-eat buffet', understandably generate more waste, cause more wear and tear on sofas and carpets. How about a ' largeness tax' , where we could just measure people and charge them accordingly. Tch.. tch.. our politicians will never come up with that one, since they will have to pay the most. ( I do know a thin and rather famished looking politician .. KCR of the Telangana)

However this Sunday, things changed. I realized on one occasion, being small had its own perks. I was having a full body massage for 45 minutes. Voila.. it was then I realized I had more value for money since I was small. Here is the math - lesser surface area.. more time to massage.

Though it feels good to know that I do have an edge over largish people on the massage table, I get a feeling that I may have just made more enemies.. Hope they have a large heart and a larger sense of humor too