Pull up your pants

People love butt bashing jokes. My all-time favourite is - Life is like the left butt of a black guy, firstly it is not right and then it is not even fair.

Hitting below the belt is a passé....wearing below the bottom is a hit these days. Every boy between 10 - 80 worth his testosterone is trying to lower his jeans and show off his ASSets. Yes, flaunting a designer covered bottom is the latest hit in mens street fashion, the last being the Bell bottoms of the early 70s. Men are lapping it up. Calvin Klein is probably selling more underwear than all the other merchandise put together. Guys are discussing in Facebook and Twitter how low is low? 5, 6, 7, 8 inches?  I have often wondered how the pants hang below the bottom so precariously and concluded that it surely must be the work of God.

Well, skirts are getting higher and pants are getting lower. Girls with short skirts are a feast to any eye. Short skirted IPL cheer leaders garnered more eyeballs than the Gambirs and Gangulys. But pants below the bottom are obnoxious, odious and also objectionable.

Don’t get me wrong guys. We, women folks ain’t complaining about the big boys of Bollywood  showing off their rear. We love them... bottoms et al.  Nor do we have any issues with the Afro American hip hop stars with dangerouly low jeans.. at least they sing. Our problem is with the average Joe or should I say average Jai.

Dear Jai,

We certainly are not interested in checking out your barely-there, badly-shaped, baboon bottoms. Do us a favour.... Pull up your pants!

The German connection

Finally one Jalligampala went to phoren for higher studies. One small step for the Girlligampala ... but a giant leap for the Jalligampalas.  This was something outstanding, considering the entire world for this family was Odissa.

When she said she got admission in Tubingen, Germany, her Uncle asked her whether Tuborg comes from there.  Thanks to Hard Rock Café, we Indians are now having access to newer brands of European beers.  No, Tubingen does not make Tuborg beer, it produces something far more useful than those necessitating frequent trips to the loo. It has the oldest University in Germany and also some of the finest research institutes like Max Plank’s.  Though, Max Plank’s Constant and the Quantum theory would also make people go to the loo, but for a different purpose.  Physics can upset most people’s intestines.

She is apparently doing her Ph.D in Biotechnology, and that too through a scholarship. This girl sure has the brains, the spunk and the beauty. Breaking a few German hearts would be an inevitable part of the program. While her mommy dear is hoping  (and praying probably) that she comes back and marries a handsome, well educated, sensitive, caring, rich Indian boy, Google says ‘no search results for that category’. However, Mr Patnaik the family astrologer is optimistic and so she has more rings on her fingers than the fingers on her hands.  

As far as I am concerned, she can have any name on her wedding card but visiting her while she is in Germany is definitely on my card. And yes it would have to be in Oktober.  No beers for guessing why.




FYU - This blog is on my hubby's niece, who has gone to Germany to do her master's in biotechnology. She is first and only one to study abroad in the family. 

Chachi Cha cha cha

She is the universal Chachi. All her relatives and friends, young and old call her that way.

She has a very typical Oriya accent. Much is known about the Mallu accent, thanks to their Pan India presence. But the same cannot be said of Oriya accent though it deserves equal merit . Learn Oriyish in 2 secs.


Sh is pronounced as s. 

A or u is pronounced as o

v is pronounced as bh

So Ramesh would become Romes, Veeresh becomes Bheeres

Coming back to Chachi, she is dominating and protective of her family members. Again a trait  typical to the female species of Orissa, who are generally ‘top heavy’ .... and folks, I am referring to the grey matter in their brains. A chauvinist male in Orissa would be as alien as a henpecked man in the rest of India with the exception of Kerala. If Kerala’s contribution to the world are pretty nurses, Orissa contribution to the country are plumbers and IAS officers and in Hyderabad they can also be found serving food at Ohris.

Chachi has this penchant for old Hindi songs, when I say old I mean really old. In a recently held Sangeet, she wanted to dance for the song ‘Tintin tun’ from the movie 'China town'. Let me give you the background. First off, I am not a Hindi movie buff, having come from Tamil land and to top it ... old songs Hindi songs!.. I would rather have Coffee with NTR Senior.  With some help from Google and using all my intelligence, I discovered she was actually referring to ‘Mera Naam Chin chin tu’ from the movie 'Howrah Bridge'. Eureka, I was happier than Archimedes. I always wondered why he had to run around the town naked, till I visited Florence to see blatant male art in form of sculptures. He just needed an excuse. One more reason to be happy that I am in India and now. Most men like females here.

To sum up,  Chachi is a real-time version of Kamal Hasan in Chachi 420. She can cook, she can dance, she can sing, she can anesthesize but you can't get her to say this ‘VJ Sush likes Ashwath shapely and shaven’

Oh sit, si es gonna sackle me to pieces for this. I better sot up.

(Chachi is my hubby's sis-in law. She is a professor of Anesthesia in one of the medical colleges in Orissa. She is extremely lovable and an universal favorite among the family members. She is what one could call a prototype Oriya .. accent et al)

A Man of few lines

If I have to describe my husband in a few lines, I have to say that he is a man of few lines. 

His reading skills are comparable to that of Darsheel ‘s character in Taare Zameen pe.  I have tried to make him read my blogs, but he has the ‘can’t read beyond 2 lines’ problem.

I decided to write at least one blog which he can read.  This blog will only have two lines in a paragraph, which may irk the conventional readers, for which I apologize.

The same cannot be said about his speaking skills. He is definitely not a man of few words … his monthly talk time would make Bachchan Junior smile and me too since his office pays his bills.

He is also a man with few wrinkles, fewer grey hairs and fewest balding signs. He can beat guys half his age in ‘the looking young’ department.

He is known to be a good free style dancer and what is unknown to most people is his singing skills. The upside to his singing is that he sings well and the downside …. well he uses his own lyrics.

The best thing, I have stored for the last. He has a wonderful memory akin to that of Ghajini as far my bickering goes, so I can continue with the usual wifely taunts without being called a nag.

I better sign off since he does not read long mails either. He prefers the KISS approach ..  keeping it short and simple , only the emails … Mind it !

Fn B club – an obituary

‘It must have been love’ly’, but it's over now

It must have been good, but I lost it somehow’

That ‘s what Roxette sang in Pretty woman years back. But there was nothing pretty about how FnB club activities came to an end.

Yes, folks am sorry to be saying this, but FnB club breathed its last .

It was a year back in February 2010, someone took cues from Cyrus Broacha’s  talk at a local club and initiated the concept of meeting up and getting sloshed . The first meeting was a run away success. Basic rules were laid and a club was formed.  It was decided that people would carry their own food, booze and when possible their woman.  It had all kinds of people, from all parts of the country North, West, Central and then there were Bengalis, Honorary Bengalis,  the English speaking Telugus and the non English speaking Telugus, other Southern folks and a little touch of Nepal and Bhutan.

I must admit it was fun during the early months.  But since the club was in India, politics had to set in. It’s the second normal thing which happens over a period of time in India, the first being ageing.

People were unhappy with the leadership. They wanted democracy, after all we are the largest in the world as far as that thing goes. So there were mails, then more mails, then talks, then more talks and then silence and more silence. On the Seventh day, they did not rest...  they arrived at a consensus. The nomenclature changed. It become FnB club  - Food and Booze Club. Not very creative, but one can’t expect that skill from those above thirty! But they did what is expected of them. They made club rules that ran into pages and could put the clubs started by the British to shame.

Partying resumed. I must admit it was fun again. But why don’t good things last?  I guess management gurus will have a ready answer ‘Change is the only constant thing, Meri Dost ’. So this time the club members started having squabbles over child rearing.  Then it went on to a higher level of small verbal fights.  In fact every party had some issue that people started recalling the party in someone’s place by the issue. People seemed to have problems with language, music, food and booze.  The wine and dine concept changed to Whine and dine and FnB club became Fight n Bolt club

During November the Big Fight happened. It was the Baap of all fights. It made Manish Tiwari and Jayanthi  Natarajan look like kindergarden kids.  The Big Fight killed the club. We may have lost the battle but we won the war. Friendship continued and we are back again partying just like before for fun and love

Say Amen to the club.  Now its just Khao Piyo Jiyo




Background - We have great group of friends back here in Hyderabad and we made a Food n Booze ( FnB) club which met once a month. But due to some unfortunate developments, we had to end it . We still meet and enjoy each other 's company

Crawford live

(Disclaimer – This review has been written purely for light reading for those who have been working their brains hard in the last one month and not intended to hurt sentiments of anyone. Reader's discretion solicited)

Release Date -  3rd September 2010  worldwide release including Virginia and Michigan

Genre –  Action, Drama

Filming Location – Crawford , India

Plot 
An ancestral property belonging to the Fantastic Four is up for sale.  The Fantastic Four learn that they aren't the only super-powered beings in the universe when they are squared off against a mysterious and sadistic psychopath known only as the Joker who is striving hard to convert their ancestral house into  a ‘Bhoot Bungalow’.   So in a moment of desperation they seek help from Superman, Spiderman and Batman. What follows is a wave of chaos with each of the three trying to prove supremacy over the other.

Meanwhile the psychopathic Joker with his eerie grin, obstinacy and unpredictability becomes as dangerous as what he has yet to unleash. So the fantastic Four call upon Tom Cruise, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Julia Roberts who make it their agenda to stop the mysterious Joker at all costs. This gripping story is dealt with the expectancy of urgency and drama that when the chips are down this action packed high-octane movie will deliver what the Fantastic Four expects.

Rating - Five stars

Bermuda Colony

Kabba once declared that she has a property in Bermuda Colony. That was when we were on the way for her grandpa’s cremation at Puri. Not exactly the best of time to be discussing practical stuff. But discussing about grandpa and funeral was not getting easier either. A senior Uncle was recalling the grandma’s funeral which took place at Puri few years back on a mediocre budget. I was puzzled. Even funerals had a budget??  Got to understand that these things worked as package depending on the number of firewood they use  The more the better and of course costlier. He mentioned that for Grandpa they had worked out a higher package. In a serious note, he added ‘Next time, we will use the Electric crematorium’.  All of us wanted to roll on the floor laughing, but then we had be reactionless... How could one react for a comment like this?  Funerals are not an annual event to plan for the next time. Anyways in India, it was taboo to talk about next time at funerals. In fact when people visit a funeral house, they are supposed to leave quietly. No ‘Phir milenge’ at Indian funerals please.

As we sat quietly for a change of topic, Kabba came up with the statement that she has a property at Bermuda Colony. Of course I thought, Bermuda off United States of America ...  the Bermuda Triangle. It seemed possible since she has made quite a few trips to that country and I thought she had managed to convert the green papers to a patch of white sand in the deep blue sea.  Hmmm .. may be in a Nudist colony in Bermuda.

But her cousin Leena did’nt seem to think the way I did. She proceeded to question her  Which Bermuda? ... Where Bermuda?

Meanwhile my mind wandered to Bermuda’s contribution to the world. It was bigger than even America's. What will the world do without the Bermuda shorts? Even  our Tamilian politicians had replaced their striped chadhis with Bermudas inside their transparent dhotis. It had become a fashion statement. My thought was abruptly interrupted by Leena who shouted loudly BORAMONDA !!  Boramanda is apparently a residential colony in Orissa, which Kabba rechristened to ‘ Bermuda Colony’  

Last heard Kabba is planning a getaway at Bermuda Colony for those who want to get away from their spouses, fiancés , girlfriends and boyfriends.  Me thinks it would be a runaway success. How thoughful, we really need this and now.

Getaway or Runaway .. its Kabba all the way

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This happened when we were on the way to cremating my father-in law. I was in the van with my husband's nieces and brother-in-law

Viva la Jalligampala

There are prominent families in India the Gandhis, the Ambanis, the Bacchans and then there are the Jalligampalas.

I would like to introduce you to the head of family who lived his life king size. He was a typical Jalligampala, greatly known for his weakness for the fairer sex in Eastern India.  He kept them all under the carpet like a typical old timer. Flaunting was just not done those days.

Moving over to  the first generation Jalligampalas. The elder is the Hugh Hefner of the family…the Vijay Mallya of Forest Park.  You could say that he was a pioneer in the Art of Wooing…  AoW.  As a matter of fact, there may be more takers for the Art of Wooing than the Art of living considering India has more young population.  He has more girlfriends who are less than half his age in his Face book account, that FB has decided to make an age range mandatory for accepting friends.  And yes, the affinity for the Eastern sector continues with this Jalligampala with nine out of the ten girlfriends being from Kolkotta and one from Calcutta.

The younger one is not so flamboyant and is more demure in his approach. He is not a black sheep though and he has both his hands full.   Lastly there is the one lone second generation Jalligampala just stepping out of his teens to become a fully grown one. We are hoping that he breaks the prototype and looks beyond East.

Not to forget, we have the self professed Jalligampala who happens to be their cousin and whom we endearingly call an ‘extra fitting’ . He is as quiet as a jobless pastor in an English countryside church during the day and boy … during the night after a couple of drinks he looks more like a drunken chipmunk doing weird dance moves at a Kolkatta Soho nighclub.  He does have some special skills however. He once performed  magic by making half a bottle of Smirnoff disappear within 15 minutes.

Talking about extra fittings, I have to mention there is this Not-a Jalligampala Aunt who appoints herself as the Mistress of ceremonies for all Jalligampala events, births, deaths, marriages, affairs  etc.  She just has to hear that some event is going to happen and then she is there lock, stock and barrel for a couple of weeks.  It probably would be more easy to shift the affinity of  the Jalligampalas from the Eastern States than getting her out of the Jalligampala house.  

East or West... Jalligampalas are the best. 


FYU ( For your understanding) - In Andhra Pradesh the surname actually refers to their ancestral family name. Jalligampala is my husband's family name. 

Missy Bean's Diary

Her name is Bean ... Missy Bean. .. and getting into situations is her forte

It was 7^th of February 2011.  She had reached the Bhubeshwar airport with her relatives well on time to board the flight. She was proud of herself for having got the ticket at a good price since she had booked it a week in advance. She had personally done it and even had a separate print out. She reaches the check in counter and requests for a seat next to cousin. And then comes the inevitable had-to-happen all-familiar scenario..... something was not alright . The Airline personnel looked at her sympathetically , took a deep breath and with a straight face told her that she had got herself a ticket for 7^th March 2011!!

That ladies and gentlemen is Kabba for u. Kabba is a warm hearted very amicable person but has this penchant for getting herself into situations during everyday tasks, which she herself fondly recalls and narrates. This online diary is dedicated to her for circulation only among those who love her.

Here is another encounter from the same trip . When she left for Bhubneshwar for her Grandpas 12th day ceremony on 5^th Feb, she reached her cousin’s house on time, which is quite unusual. She had’nt eaten anything since morning. So she decided to grab a sandwich at Coffee Beans at the airport. She paid the amount and got the receipt. She then went to the next counter to collect her stuff. The guy asks her for the receipt. She looked surprised since she got rolled into a neat ball and trashed it while walking to the counter which was all of 3 feet away!! Nike has decided to have different tagline now  "Only she can do it


Credits - My husband's sister's daughter who is a wizard in SAP, works for a MNC and keeps travelling all over North and Central America. She is particularly known for her goof-ups, which we fondly recall. This is my first blog and am happy to dedicate it to her.