The word is DK Bose

Last night my self-professed ‘know-it all’ image underwent a dent.

I DID NOT KNOW !!!!  My entire group of friends knew what it meant. I believe even my neighbour’s 15 year something son and that means the nation’s youth knows it. One consolation though, all my friends unanimously agreed, that by the time the sun set the next day, I would have sought, knocked or asked GOD or simply GOOGLED and sent out this mail on the latest craze to catch the nation.

The word is DK BOSE... or should I say BOSE DK and most guys like to spread the word. 

There must be millions like me who didn't get the meaning of the DK Bose song from the movie Delhi Belly which is seemingly harmless when said normally but throws up a different meaning altogether when said repetitively.  Very cleverly disguised, but still sets a new benchmark towards the openness of sexuality in our country.

Now that I know the meaning, I am neither surprised nor shocked.. What the ****.  English expletives are so commonly used in urban India that it no longer raises eyebrows. I am certain that all our Hindi speaking brethren in the countryside must be freely using its Hindi equivalents too. But sadly our uber-cool angrezi-speaking Indians seem to have some inhibition or aversion to the slangs in our mother tongue. Even my own friends, excepting one reliable guy, could not get themselves to explain what it meant.


I am still clueless what’s slanglish about female genitals or for that matter any body part of any being?  But who am I to question... I am only concerned that it doesn't become a trend setter of sorts. 

Not sure whether to give a thumbs up or thumbs down to Aamir Khan for being Overbold and offensive.

My Tam Brahm roots

My fathers grandpa was Mr.Thiagaraja Narayanaswamy Iyer, an orthodox Tamil Brahmin and a cool drink manufacturer. The year was 1898 and the place Tiruchirapalli. He converted to Christianity. His name changed to Vincent Noelswamy Iyer. His cold drink brand came to be known as ‘Vincent’ and so has my surname. 

That was quite revolutionary. I clearly know where my rebel genes came from.

I have always wondered why he did so.

• Did he not find meaning in the mantras?  
• Or did he find something in the Book of Christians?
• Did the European missionaries bribe him?
• Or was he simply disgusted with dhotis and wanted to wear pants?

 It could be any of these or none of these. I would never know

I wondered about the 'What if my Grandad didn't convert scenario'...... I would have probably been in Trichy, wearing a nine-yard saree and jasmine flowers, sipping filter coffee, learnt Bharatnatyam (Carnatic music would still be out of my league considering my cracked-up voice) .....or I may have been an IITian and the first Indian woman to have got a Nobel prize for Physics or Math.  Either way, I would have been a miser. 

Presently, the Indian Brahmins are getting poorer. 'Hum do, humare ek' rule is strictly followed by Brahmins because they can afford that much only. In a country which has reservation and protection for minority religion, backward caste, women, senior citizens, children, dark skinned, all kinds of challenged people including those with common sense and hard work, Italians, tigers and environment.... Brahmins would soon become an endangered species .... if not extinct.

(The blog writer is not racist and identifies herself as a global citizen with open views)

Flat is in

Acknowledgments to Friedman for 'The world is flat'  ... 
Yes.. the world is flat, TVs are flatter and mobile phones flattest. This flatness mania is not limited to gadgets alone, it has taken on humans as well.  Don’t believe me?  Take a look at all the beauty pageant models, Hollywood/ bollywood starlets and even your own friendly neighbourhood people. Did we have these many number of slimming centres ever before.  That the results are not showing is a different issue altogether.... shall take it up in another blog. 

When corporate men were busy downsizing, the fashion conscious women were sizing-down.  Size ‘zero’ sadly is not a passé, my friends. It is as 'in' as oversized sunglasses and big handbags. Ahh.. talking about oversized sunglasses, I remember getting a email forward where sizes of sunglasses wore by the women were larger than their bikinis. That indeed is a commendable observation, considering that the person even noticed that the 'hardly-there-bikini' clad women were wearing glasses! ( Yes, the mail is still there .... for those doubtful or curious, I could send it across :-)) 

Let me take you back on memory lane – Your first TV was monstrous but still you loved it. Your first mobile phone was probably even bigger than your Ipad, but you still lugged it around. And not to forget our heroines, Sridevi, Ramba and Nagma... Boy.. they set the screens on fire and they didn’t even have to strip unlike the Munnis and the Sheilas. I wonder what they did to all those card board bras.... well at least Shahid has found an use for it as butt enhancers.

Flat abs is good... but how about flatness elsewhere?  I guess this is what would happen .. read on   

A flat-chested girl with limited funds went to a surgeon to get her breasts enlarged. The surgeon performed the cheapest procedure possible, which entailed the girl to flap her arms up and down when she wanted to enlarge her breasts. Later the girl went to the local bar to check out the results.  She spotted a guy, walked towards him while flapping her arms and asked him coyly, ‘Do I know you?’

’No’ , he answered, while furiously flapping his legs together, ‘but I think we have the same doctor’

June .. the Monday of the months

June is the most intimidating month in the year. It is like a Monday and am waiting to say 'Thank God its over'

To begin with, it's the start of the academic year for schools and colleges .. the end of holiday season and back to work for others...and worse still, it’s the time to pay taxes for many.  Nothing to break the monotony.  Even Archies and Hallmark could’nt come up with any saleable days. And to top it, there is no festival and national holidays whatsoever. This is really a bad month... In the by-gone days, even simple celebrations were banned.... yes people were even prohibited to ‘try and make babies’ during this month called Ashadh.

Surprisingly, news channels didn’t have anything interesting to break to the people of India. IPL and elections got over.  No BIG story ... No small story either .. no child fell into bore wells (mercifully) .. no CM disappeared. That’s why Ramdev Baba decided to go on fast. Com’on guys, this saffron clad, private jet flying multimillionaire is not exactly an eye candy.. is more of an an eye broccoli. With all due respects to him and his efforts, he is not Rahul Gandhi in the looks dept, a Dayanidhi Maran in the scam department or a Shiney Abraham in the sleaze dept. All are these guys are so watchable ... though Shiney sent the nation wondering ‘ why maid?’ Rahul - why single?  and Maran -  why g?

Back to Baa Baa Black Buck... the main issue of trying to get the black money was no where being talked about.. ‘cos everyone was debating whether it is Ramdev’s job or not. All and sundry were giving opinions. SRK made a statement that Ramdev should stick to ‘what he is supposed to do’  I remember him giving similar advice to Sania, when she started endorsing brands. Good Mr Shah Rukh does not know that I have started writing blogs .. or else he may tell me ‘Stick to writing prescriptions you Nerd brain’.

The million dollar question ‘Who is supposed to do what? 

And just a penny for my thought 'If my cook doesn’t show up, will I starve or cook?' 

Letter to Mrs Sonia

Dear Mrs Sonia,

We have never met and I don’t intend to. My purpose of writing to you is that your party has not been doing well of late.  And I seem to have the SECRET FOR TURNING YOUR FORTUNE AROUND.

Before you start thinking ‘WTH is this female?’ please hear me out. My proposal is simple, easy and cheap. And most importantly IT HAS NEVER FAILED. 

        

Here it is - 'You should get yourself addressed as a family member' It worked for Mamta Didi, Jayalalithaa Amma, Mayawathi Behenji and Sheila Auntie. India is a very family oriented nation. We have deep rooted family values and will vote only for someone we identify as family. Don’t you remember in Singur land case, how the affected ran to Mamta with their hands up in the air and cried ‘Didi, my life has finished!’. In Amma’s case, haven’t  you seen senior ministers fall at her feet in public meetings seeking ‘motherly' blessings. And in Mayawati's case, when the Security Officer found his Behenji shoes dirty, he did’nt think twice to use his handkerchief to clean it. Would he have done it, if he didn’t feel brotherly? 

If it worked for all these people, it will surely work for you and your son Rahul. You can choose to be a mother, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law. Or you can even do a female Al Pacino and don the GODmother mantle. It's completely your choice, but you have to get rid of the ‘Madame’ title asap. It is as gone as Madame Curie … ( and so are the Xrays with the advent of CTs and MRIs) Moreover, Madame means something else in Indian English and I don’t think you want to go to the election again with that connotation

You could call yourself Mamma Sonia if you were in Italy. Out here, you could try Sonia Mausi or even Chachi Sonia.... aah..remember, your great grandpa-in-law was fondly called Chacha. Alternatively you can ask your ministers who are either in the ‘busy-making-money’ or ‘waiting-to-die’ category for their opinion. Hhmmm... I guess they will say yes to the 'High command'

All the very best

Yours

VJ