What's in a bag?

Nothing I guess…. unless it costs $37,000 and is carried by a political leader of a country where the per capita income hovers around $1000 a year (India is no better.. its Rs 46.492 out here)  Birkin bag sure seems to be grabbing Indian eyeballs  at the moment .. firstly it made a friendly appearance as Bag- Mati in Zoya Akthar's ZNMD and now as Mrs Khar’s fashion accessory.

Pakistan’s youngest and first woman Foreign Minister Hina Rabbani Khar may have come and gone.... but she left behind a mediaful of attention and a twitterful of comments. Her much written about ensemble and accessories included a south sea pearl necklace, a black Hermes Birkin bag, Jimmy choo heels and Roberto Cavalli sunglasses. No .. she was not accused of using public money to accessorize herself (she could well afford those herself considering her background)…. her crime was that of being insensitive.  I have no comments or suggestions for her. I only feel sorry that she chose to be a politician in a third world country.

The Hermes Birkins bag, named after 1960s English actress Jane Birkin, is sought after only because it is available on a limited basis, apparently through a legendary waiting list. Though the basic model costs $7000 upwards, it feels incredibly cheap when compared to the worlds most expensive handbag - The 1001 Nights Diamond Purse by House of Mouawad. It has 4500 diamonds and costs 3.8 million dollars!

Well .. about bags and me. I never bought a Louis Vuitton, Chanel or a Gucci bag. I may have that kind of money but I was never a ‘bag’ person. I could never tell the difference between an original and a fake. Even the best counterfeit bag market in Bangkok with their catalogue et al couldn’t tempt me. Nor did my best friend’s comment that God made me thrifty (read stingy) provoke me.  To me a handbag would always remain a utility item and not a fashion accessory. I only carry them to work and when I travel alone. Other times, I have my husband and his fat right-sided bottom …. fat 'cos of the fully loaded Mont blanc wallet !!!

  

Rule of the road …from a woman

Well, men think that women are bad car-drivers.  But what the heck, for most of us it’s just an appliance of transport. We do not mind if the dash lights flash, clutch plate fails ( mine recently did), the engine makes ugly noises or even if a little smoke shows up as long as the car starts and does not stop midway. We do not spend hours discussing models and the numbers. It is a matter of interest or a lack thereof.  I see nothing wrong in using something in which we have no great interest…. We use it because it is convenient and available at home. Most of my married women friends would understand what I am saying. And my dear male friends, before you get me wrong, let me make it clear that I am referring to the use of mixers, blenders, washing machines and dryers J. Frankly my ‘give-a-damn’ meter reads 0.0 as far as cars are concerned unless it is an expensive car with a handsome hulk behind the wheels (in which case it soars higher than the meter)

Women use the car more practically.

We use the mirror to check our make-up.

We use the shelf by the back window to store a lot of personal stuff.

We hang in a lot of items on the rear view mirror including beads and teddy bears.

We talk and text when we drive (that’s possible since we can multitask)

We bond big time when we take our girlfriends in the car.

Now coming to the act of driving itself, ‘good driving’ is a very relative term just like ‘good looking’. I enjoy driving… I have my own style. I am sure all women do. Some women drive very close to wheels, some upright and some others barefoot. There is no yard stick for measuring the style quotient for driving anyways.

I think I am an excellent driver, but most of my male co-drivers don’t seem to think so. They keep insisting that the gear should match the acceleration, the clutch should be released appropriately, the brakes should not screech, the care should not swerve and so on. All these sound like quantum physics to me. I have only one point of argument for my guy friends. Check out the RTA statistics - Men cause / are involved in more fatal accidents than women. Maybe because men drive more on average and are known to take more risks. Whatever may be the reason, we are safer drivers.

As far as I am concerned, I drive fast. I do not let other cars overtake me. But I am safe … and I have only one Rule of the road – Do not irritate fellow drivers, pedestrians, cows, dogs and uninterested pot-bellied traffic policemen.

A fox called Murdoch

Voice-mail hacking and Police-bribery ... these are the two scandals for which Mr. Murdoch shut down the 168-year-old News of the World (NOTW) and gave a public apology in an effort to placate the British regulators. He had allegedly hacked the phone messages of the 13-year-old kidnap and murder victim Milly Dowler, those of families of 9/11 victims, British soldiers killed in Afghanistan and may be even that of the British Royal family.

                                                                                                                      

Rupert Murdoch's  billion dollar media empire's holdings include several TV channels including Fox TV, Star TV, film studio 20th Century Fox, publishing giant HarperCollins, The Wall Street Journal and the New York Post. A native Australian now a US citizen, it is ironical that he owns 40% of the British media and he does not even live there!

What made him do this? I couldn't help comparing Rupert Murdoch with Edward Armstead of 1982 best seller ‘The Almighty’.  Murdoch had one thing in common with the Irving Wallace character ... the ruling obsession to head a vast news empire. Armstead manipulated, controlled and eventually created news, whereas Murdoch hunted for information by tapping phones and bribing cops.

Bribing cops in India is such an accepted practice that it is laughable when done for only collecting information.  Out here, we bribe cops for far graver crimes like destruction of evidence (Aarushi’s case), tampering of witnesses (Jessica’s case), protecting high profile individuals (Rouvanjit suicide case) etc. Ironically there are several instances where cops themselves perpetuate the crime (Rathore-Ruchika case). Many of these cases have not seen the light of the day.

Back in India, phone are being regularly tapped including those of high level people like Finance Minister. Sometime back, we had a similar scandal involving Nira Radia tapes in connection with the 2G spectrum scam which almost collapsed the government and lead to several interesting arrests.

I am not sure whether bribing cops and phone hacking scams even interest the common working class people. If there is one thing I learnt from this episode , it is this 

Phone hacking refers to unauthorized accessing of unprotected Voice Mail or Voice Mail with very weak PIN

Phone tapping refers to listening to live telephonic / internet conversations by a third party often by covert means)

Buddah hogaya kuch Bollywood dialogues

Last night during our routine social GD ( group discussion) at a birthday party, one of my good friends offered to be my muse for the next blog. Well.. here it is .. in appreciation of her watching the entire movie 'Buddha hoga tera baab'. She really must be a fan of Amitabh and all the good old Bollywood movies. She even fondly recalled the dialogue 'Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon' 


The new age Bollywood movies have become more practical. The actors speak the way we do. No more of the oft-repeated famous Hindi movie dialogues. We are really going to miss those unless we find alternative scenarios. I am neither a bollywood buff not a Hindi pandit but I still found some use... see whether u can add more

Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon - the all-powerful marriage stopping dialogue. Com’on...if accidental pregnancy is a sign of stupidity, then announcing it to the world only confirms it. So this dialogue can only figure in as a retort of a frustrated underpaid surrogate mother

Gone are the days where cops were good. Today Chulbul Pandey plays the bad cop .. how can he say ‘Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai’ ..Hmmmm ..I guess he still can if he is gay

Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi -  I can find a lot of takers for this one  - WAGs ( Wives and Girlfriends) of rich guys, kids of rich dad.

Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye? Ahh .... this one is for the wives of all the politicians and bureaucrats.

Bataoo, heeray kahan hai - Second wife to her husband while looking at the dead first wife’s picture

Bacchhhaaaaaooooo....can only be used by guys to escape from their ‘waiting-to-get-rid-off’  girlfriends  or ‘difficult-to-divorce’  wives or ‘no-sign-of dying’ mother-in law 

Kuttay, Kameenay mai tera khoon pi jayoonga ... Ahh this one is for one and all .... and for all situations from love to hate.


Yeh anyay hai bhagwan – this dialogue is apparently irrelevant and can be safely buried.

My hubby’s latest crush

Someone asked my husband who he wanted to be in his next birth ... he said promptly.. (and understandably) Vijay Mallaya and in case it had to be a woman... well he wanted to be Mamta.. Yes you heard me right .. Mamta Bannerjee. I was shocked. Not that my hubby didn’t admire other women but they were mostly dumb-witted, trying desperately to look good, 20 something bimbettes. But Ms Mamta was different. Apart from being single, she matched no other usual criteria. 

Here is the reason ..she defeated the world's longest-serving democratically-elected communist government in West Bengal Assembly election in 2011 and became the first woman Chief Minister to hold office in that state.  She had won over 77% of the total seats. And she didn’t have any damn relative in politics .. father or mother (god or grand), uncle or aunt ...a mentor or even a boyfriend.... so no question of nepotism. I believe there was no corporate sector support either. 

These achievements didn’t come easily. It took her 35 years to get here. She came from lower middle class background and by sheer individual effort became the general secretary of Women’s Congress at 22 years. When she was 42, she came out of the Congress Party and established the All India Trinamool Congress. Her educational achievement is  also worth mentioning .. she has a master’s degree in Islamic history and holds a law degree as well. However throughout her political life she remained austere .. no fancy clothes or 1001 shoes or sarees, no expensive jewellery, no visits to exotic holiday resorts ... and probably no visits to a local beauty parlour too. This woman surely had a plan.

As I write this, my hubby dear is trying to fix a meeting with her and take her autograph and a photograph. Well, that will be pic of my husband with a woman which I will not delete.... I may even let hang it around in my house since my husband considers her something akin to Gandhi, 'cos here is a woman who fought against the system democratically and liberated the land from the red rule.

Here’s hoping that someone would do the same for India ... free us from the power-crazy, money-hungry politicians and political families.

CRI and you

My cousin from the US was inspirational in getting me to write a blog on my field of expertise .... which is making money by making people live longer to make more money, to make us make more money  Anyways, I am not going to charge you for getting a tip or two out of this blog to stay healthy.  I would trade it instead for a dinner or drink when we meet. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting to you my first medical related blog on Computer Related Injury or for the laptop users called Laptop-itis - pain in the back/neck/wrists

All of us have laptops. It has become as universal as having a spouse. Going by the declining sex ratio, a few years later a guy may have a computer and Wi-fi but not a wifey. Well the point is, we will be spending long hours with the computer and hence we better learn to surf smooth.

The most common injury is of the wrist. And yes friends… we have name for it - CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME (CTS) and it may be as high as 30% among the computer users.  It occurs due to repetitive movement of the wrist  (Pl note- My blogs are meant for men of a certain age where I expect that keyboard use would be the only source of this movement) To avoid this problem, ensure that your keyboard is at the level as your elbow so that wrists are not bent.

Now coming to how to avoid backache and neckache. Your body should form a 90-degree angle at your elbows, knees and hips. This may sound like an instruction from a finishing school, but that is the only way out. While sitting pretty, like a beauty pageant queen,  you may well remember to keep your eyes  straight ahead at the top third of the screen to avoid eye fatigue. For those using bifocals, make sure that you don’t throw your head back to read through the spectacle bottom. Get yourself a proper reading glass instead to avoid pain in the neck. 

The only real possible danger of a laptop is thermal radiation. When placed on the genitals ( the most common position), heat from the laptops may cause infertility. Guys, studies do show that laptop can be potential sperm killers. Wait ... keeping it on your thighs, isn’t going to help either, unless you want to have  ‘Toasted Skin syndrome” (Oooooh, I love my fraternity, they are the best in the industry in creating  ingenious nomenclatures) . My take on how to protect your vitals is use it at a desk or use a laptop stand.

As you mail/surf/watch/download, let there be some gap between your lappy and your lap!