Listophilia

I apparently have a problem. I mean I have lots of them like being supremely intelligent and good looking. No I am not complaining about any of these. There is a peculiar problem which I have. I am a Listophiliac.  I make lists ... lots of them. 

Lists help us keep organized and productive. In addition to the routine ‘grocery list’, the daily ‘to- do’ list and other lists for the taxmen,  I have 200 other active  lists. Here are some 

1. List of things I need to google – Ohh, these include a lot of new words like jailbreaking, affluenza, baggravation and what was that camelfinger.. or toe?
2. List of files I need to duplicate/ back-up - I keep backing up all my files in six different storage methods including some hand written scrolls which I have buried in my mothers house. (The future East Sea Scrolls ?)
3. List of the places I have been and places I plan to visit – Including hotel names, the tariff, the size of the bathroom
4. List of food I dislike -  this one is the longest with more than 300 entries including vegetables, lentils, fruits, scorpion kebabs, smoked lizards and other creepy crawlies
5. List of formal and informal grudges – This include historical fights, family transgressions and trivial personal vendettas.  (I may forgive, but forgetting is out of question)
6. List of friends currently out of flavor - I am considering changing it to those in favor.. its shorter.
7. List of people with obnoxious habits.
8. List of my medical complaints –  This one is the shortest  .. has only two entries - headache and severe headache
9. List of my hubby’s girlfriends – all of them are either a Bannerjee or Chatterjee .. and an occasional Deb
10. And a list of the lists

The lists keep changing. I enjoy making them as much as I enjoy changing them. Do they contribute to my success?. Not sure they do, but they keep me happy 

Amigos, say adios to Mid life Crisis

It is out officially… Ra one was apparently Shah Rukh Khan’s most expensive mid life crisis.

If you are bothered that you are no longer young and old age is imminent, you’ve probably entered the middle-aged zone through its main gate – The Mid Life Crisis.   Nature's way of telling you  “Heyy buddy.. you are no longer useful”

Mid life crisis is mostly apparent in the age group of 40-60 which includes most of my blog readers  ( the young 'uns reading this blog are bound to reach there some time). Interestingly the crisis lasts for about 3 –10 years in men and 2–5 years in women. Ahh..women always seem to have it good. We live longer and we tend to worry less that we are getting old. We only worry about looking old.

                                                           

A classic example of mid life crisis is Kevin Spacey’s character in American Beauty who gets bored with his suburban life and crumbling marriage and discovers that dreaming about his daughter’s  female friend can awaken him from his emotional coma. Hope this visual helps (I put this picture up to catch the attention of the 40ish male readers  planning to skip this blog)

 Now that I have your attention, be aware that mid life crisis could be triggered when

-       One realizes he/ she is no longer a tiger or tigress in bed.

-       One loses a loved one ( either he/ she ran away or passed away) 

-       Children leave home ( for higher studies or whatever) 

-       One retires ( you have nothing else to do)

When a man realizes his sexual drive is decreased, the first predictable reaction is to have a image make-over (going for hair transplant/ wardrobe change). Some may  go a step further and have an affair with someone young to see whether he has really lost it.  Or he may spend huge amount of money on something irrational and fanciful just like what Mr Shahrukh did.

Be smart.. don’t waste your money .. set it aside for your knee, hip, coronaries, lens, and other body part replacements.. Head to Thailand instead… no better place to tide over your mid life crisis - its cheaper, better, badder and  bolder.

Don’t agree? I have another option, say Om in Rishikesh. I just did that last week 

To Sis with love

God doesn’t have the time to listen  ... so I guess he made sisters.

All my female friends who have sisters will endorse my views completely and those who don’t have one, read on to know what you are missing (too late to get one now! )... but if you have a daughter, try to get her a sister. For the guys .. well skip this blog... you will never understand!

I come from pre-microsoft era or should I say Doordarshan days when entertainment was available only in limited edition.  No telephones. No chatting with friends.  Even talking to relatives in other cities was a long process where we had to place ‘Trunk calls’ and scream ‘Hello’ more number of times than the actual matter. 

That is where a sister figures in.

A sister would invariably be our first friend or confidante. She would cover up for you .. mostly. She would listen to you..  out of no choice mostly. We would bicker or squabble, but when we are put up against a common opponent  (which would invariably be a parent) we would present a united front.  If one or the other is being reproached for some misdemeanour, the other will inevitably pipe up in defense.

Like wine, the sisterly bond goes so much deeper as we grow older. We have much to discuss - our children, our spouses, our parents and well ...not to miss our ancestral property.

Sibling rivalry or revelry?  In my case it was more of revelry since I was a bully and my sis is such a sweet thing. I admire her quiet yet confident, neutral yet determined, down-to-earth nature. I don’t know what she admires in me.. but I  assume she does

Ok sis.. here it is ...a huge compliment from me as a birthday gift.

 .

 ‘You top the list of things which I didn’t select and is still great’

Happy and gay or just a sympathizer?

Guys, have you heard of GLS ? It is an acronym for Gays, Lesbians and Sympathizers.  Gays and lesbians, we all know ..... Sympathizers??? I understand refers to those with an open mind - people who are straight,  but accept/understand the views of the gays.

I am not sure whether I am a sympathizer or not. I am confused. I have no exposure in that area. None of my friends are gay or should I say I have no gay friends? Last night I did see a guy friend giving a peck on the cheek to another .. just for 'fun' and I didn't feel repulsed. So on paper, I would tick the category that I sympathize. But as an after thought I might not.

Picture this phone conversation

Suresh  - “Why didn’t you call me the whole  morning?”
Ramesh – “I have been very busy with this meeting”

Suresh – “But you had time to comment on the update status of Mahesh?”

Ramesh  - (Damm the facebook .. its gonna wreck my relationship) .. “No honey. the meeting was so boring, so I was fiddling with my mobile and just clicked like”

Suresh – But if the meeting was sooo boring, you could have come out and talked to me naah!

Ramesh – Listen, I can’t come out of the board room, but if you come online we can chat for a while … mwah.

Suresh – No its ok ...Btw, I just got myself the spring collection of Victor’s Secret .. would you like to meet up this evening dahling?


Psst... I am neutral. 

Teen pathi and the teen hazaar rules

LUCK …. ALCOHOL … MONEY… throw in the occasion to dress up and host parties … the combined high of all these is what make the Diwali Taash parties a huge hit.

Are these parties legal?  Well.. most of these parties fall into the grey area of  'The Public Gaming Act', where the gambling parties take place in residential houses where the house owner is not paid commission for using his premises, thereby escaping the definition of a 'gaming house’. So the games go on and getting better and bigger.

First off.. there are various kinds of games - Teen pathi, poker, black jack, the Indian rummy etc Each group have their own favorite.

Then there are various kind of groups. The serious ones who play as if their life depended on it and those when they play can be mistaken for oldies from the local neighborhood laughing club and I am proud to say that my group is the latter category.

Lastly we have all kinds of people -  those who beg, borrow or steal ( the Kedi Anna types) and those who demand and sometime resort to extortion ( the Goonda Raj types )  . Those who are unfazed when they lose and those who hit the ceiling when they or their spouse win. We have seen the beginners luck and some old timers getting lost and stuck . At some instances an odd couple sweep the stakes. Trust me.. it is nice to win .. Diwali or not. Who ever made up the theory 'Its better to lose in Diwali card party to win the whole year through' must have be a doting grandma or a loser with a sour grape approach

We play Teen Pathi in our group (I am still figuring out how this pathi differs from pathi as in hubby. Liking Teen pathi is like endorsing menage a trois or quatre!! ) We play the normal game and the not-so-normal one which we fondly called variation. We have variations ranging from the oft repeated to some bizarre ones where the dealer himself is confused (.. it is mostly herself) This year the award for the debutant variation went to the Mallu Black Jack where the total is 30 instead of 21.  

This season, yours truly has acquired a new name 'Ram Jethmalini of the group' for acting as a counsel to the distressed. While she happy to be given the honor, she also expects to receive some honorarium.  To begin with, she is planning to release a book by next Diwali - Teen pathi and the teen haazar rules .. gonna cost you only teen sau. 

Happy Pathi
   
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What the F?

Formula one, the world’s richest sport arrives in India this weekend with a $650 million bet even as Chinese and Korean Grand Prix reported losses. The event is being funded without any government backing, pretty unusual for a debut Grand Prix. Jaypee group, controlled by billionaire founder Jaiprakash Gaur has spent $450 million to build a track and another $200 million in royalties over five years. The company has priced tickets at an average $200 with the most expensive tickets costing up to Rs 1,30,000. As regards entertainment, there are dozens of F1 parties, a Metallica concert and a 20-minute show by Lady Gaga at a track side club.

The Delhi event is basically showcasing the nation’s newfound wealth and power of Indian elite. According to the Credit Suisse Bank, 170 000 Indians out of a population of 1.2 billion are worth between $1m and $50m.  And they will enjoy this weekend of debauchery. (Must mention, some from my family have gone there as well)

Ironically, the track lies just outside the capital's limits in Uttar Pradesh, the vast northern Indian state which has poverty levels often worse than those in sub-Saharan Africa.  The World Bank estimates 800 million people live on less than $2 a day in India and our very own Planning commission has revised the poverty line cut-off figures to Rs 32 a day in urban areas and Rs 26 a day in villages, which would further inflate this number. Earlier this month, we had Mayawathi inaugurating the Noida Park in Uttar Pradesh after spending a whopping Rs 685 crore. 

I remember walking in the streets of Moradabad, Badaun and other districts in UP during my days with the WHO in the late 1990's asking them whether their children took the Polio vaccine.  

I feel like doing the same now, with a different question ‘Did someone take your money?’ 

PS  - Rahul Gandhi is apparently doing what I want to do in UP.. ...me thinks he should start with a certain area in Janpath instead 

Shoots and leaves

This is not the James Bond stuff to shoot and leave. This more of the shoot-and-flush kind 'cos the title refers to ‘shoots and leaves’ as nouns.  


This blog is coming your way, since I told a patient yesterday '"Take fibre" and he gave me a look as if I told him to take his neighbor's' wife or the neighbor himself and asked 'Fibre?'  I understand that my blog readers are an intelligent lot and know shit from Shangri-la… but do you know that dietary fiber is the Shangri-la to prevent a lot of problems.

Our lifestyle has changed so such that our food contains very little amount of fiber.  Fiber is essential to maintain a healthy digestive system.. it softens your poop and ensures a quick and smooth passage. You could call it a travelator of the intestines.

First off, dietary fiber is the undigested residue that is majorly presented in the outer plant wall material.  You could find truckloads of them in fruits, vegetables, peas, lentils, nuts and seed etc. Don't waste your time looking for them in sodas, alcohol, fast foods and dessert. 

Ok.. here is what a fiber-rich diet can do to you.  It lowers your cholesterol… the rascalas of  heart problems.  It also lowers the blood glucose levels and hence useful for people with diabetes too. The best part is fiber rich food is ideal for weight-watchers as it is fills up your stomach without much calories.

Fibre ..optical or dietary is here to stay .. so make hay