Not a vegan!

When I was young my father said "Gal I have something to say” 

And what he told me, I'll never forget until my dyin' day

He said, "Gal, you will be a non-veg lass and that's the way to stay

Gal,  stay off hay and grass until your dyin’ day’                                                                           

As time goes by, I probably will get cholesterol problem and so on

Then I may have to eat shoots and leaves and join the rest of the clan 
Until then I will be Non veg lass and that’s the way I will stay

Happy to be a non-veg lass till my dyin’ day

(credit to Cliff Richard’s Bachelor Boy)

That’s the story on why I am a die hard non-veggie. I firmly believe that man is essentially an Omnivore, meaning he can eat anything and that includes non- vegetarian foods.

Vegetarians, Lacto vegetarians and Ova-vegetarians, I present to you my case on why man was designed to eat animal protein.

Back in the cave-man days, men who could not hunt, ride a horse or throw a spear were called vegetarians and ate grass, leaves and fruits which grew near the caves. 

Strictly speaking a person who has milk, butter and cheese is not a vegetarian as these are sourced from animals too.One could call them lacto-vegetarians. And then we have Ova-vegetarian (Egg eaters) and then the Pescetarians (Sea animal eaters)

Now moving on to more scientific thinking.

EVIDENCE NO-1    All animal based protein source like meat, chicken, eggs and diary products require an acid base for digestion. Fruits and vegetables require an alkaline medium. The ability of carnivores  to secrete Hydrocloric Acid is exceptional. MAN HAS AN ACID PH. If he was designed to be a vegetarian, why does he have an acidic pH?

EVIDENCE NO-2  If man is truly a vegetarian as the vegetarians claim that we are, then we should be having the enzyme called Cellulase like the cattle to digest cellulose… ( you may know this as ‘fibre’)  MAN DOES NOT PRODUCE CELLULASE …never did and probably never will.

EVIDENCE NO- 3 . Our intestinal length is about 23 feet about 7 times the body length from mouth -to- end of spine.. Cats and dogs have 4 times the length and horse and cattle have about 20 times. We are somewhere in between suggesting that we were designed to eat both.

EVIDENCE NO- 4 . Our dentition is suited both to tackle bones and vegetables. Check it out... we have pointed teeth and flat teeth as well. 

EVIDENCE NO- 5 . We have a simple single chamber stomach unlike the grass eating animals    

RELATED STUFF - There was a news report in Tamil daily on 3rd Dec 2012 that a goat was found eating cooked mutton... Damn... This cannibalism has got money written over it !! We may soon have lamb-fed lamb at the stores. 

Vegans ... I am ready to hear your point of view. 

Friends - Finding and Fending

I've made an important discovery recently and it is not a lip plumping lipstick, or a new brand of Wonderbra ... not even how to make your ass look tighter. 

(To what extent one needs to go to get eyeballs on da blog) Anyways .. guess they worked and I have your attention since the topic is a little uninspiring 

It's on friendships... Connections. I discovered that sometimes certain people are thrust into our lives for a reason and some for no reason. 

Let me fill you on why I got this thought. I have been living in this apartment along with 25 other families for the past 10 years. I don't know their names excepting one who happens to be my close friend. One fine day, disturbing my post noon nap, I get a call from one of them requesting me to attend a ' Get-to know-your neighbors session' asap. She remembered that I existed and called to invite me only after my friend brought my absence to her notice. Do I want to know her? I mean we have been co-existing peacefully for several years without knowing each other. Would I want to upset this equilibrium.? The answer is a clear ' No'. However I did attend the meet, had the chaat and stuff and came back without knowing any of their names. 


Coming back to friendships. After a while, we kind of get so used to our existing friends that the very idea of taking trouble to know someone new is alarming. The majority of my friendships have been class mates, college mates, work colleagues and weight watchers at my gym.  And there are those who are not connected in any way, but I guess they are there for some reason. Familiarity may breed contempt but maintaining a known devil as a friend is easier!

Just occurred to me that the difference between a romantic relationship and platonic friendship is that love is blind whereas friendship tries not to notice. The one I am addressing here is a mutualistic symbiotic relationship. Yes, I need them. Need them as much as I need the good bacteria in my intestine. I house around 30 - 40 species of them. But do they need to get introduced to me like 'I am Peptococcus ....Peptostreptococcus' a la Bond style!!!

Anyways, its my turn to host the next get-together. Not sure how to wriggle out of this predicament. Shall let you guys know how it went. 

"I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones" 

-  Oscar Wilde. (1852)

"I know everything about my old friends and I want to know nothing about the new ones '               - Oscar Wilde ( 2012)

Namasthe India

Back after a long hiatus . 

There was an interesting discussion last night at a friend’s party on how to address people. The point of discussion was on

Do we flaunt Indian-ness and call each other Kapoorji or Reddy gaaru and say Namasthe or Namashkar or slip into a more global way of greeting people Hello/ Hi or just a head nod or handshake

Salutations are a way of acknowledging the presence of a person when we meet them or leave. Rank or age definitely calls for an appropriate way of addressing by sheer virtue of power, position or respect. Work-related communication also requires a certain degree of formality.  But many corporate companies are shifting to addressing each other by first name basis to get a more friendly work environment .

But how about at a social gathering

Do we say a Namasthe, Namashkar, Vanakkum to peer level people?

Do the twitteratti, facebookers and blackberry kids even use these terms ?

And at what age do we start suffixing a Ji (Hindi) … gaaru (Telugu) .. awargal (Tamil)

I couldn't find any agreed upon criteria in the internet . So a lets get a li’l situational just for kicks.  At a birthday party a friend introduces another friend 

Friend – Meet Suresh Raju, my chaddi dost

Me (How do I address this guy... anyways he does not look good but seems full of money ...May need him for business purpose later .. so let me go the formal way)

- Namasthe Suresh Raju gaaru

Suresh (Ugghh..Why is she addressing me so formally...Didn't she see my I Fone 5, my Armani shirt and my Italian shoes .. damn the Armani .. Is the logo too small or am I looking so old? Anyways  I can't even flirt with her now)  - Namasthe Madamji ... 

Friend - (Jeez.. whats going on? .. thought that 'gaaru' for the Old and the ordinary... not the Bold and beautiful ) - ????!!!!!!

Jesus  -   ???!!!!......Should send another Superstorm Sandy or may be a mad guy with a gun .. Do not take Gods name in vain

The birthday guy who is 3 drinks down already - 
                            A wife is addressed Ma'am, short for Madam
                      The husband is addressed Sir ... short for Servant??

Maid in India

Maids are indispensable. Maids are unavoidable. Maids are awesome. Even if they don't come in cute packages like the one in the picture, if you get a good maid, you might as well treat her well.

Am I getting too emotional?... Tears hold on… I have a blog to complete  

Yes, we have to come to terms with the fact that the Kantabens or Kanthammas have become the most important person in our life. A wife can live without a husband for a day or two. The husband would be only too happy if his wife left him alone for a couple of days. But not so with the maid. Either of them cannot live without the maid even for a day. Being unable to find or afford a maid means you do everything yourself. Forget cooking and cleaning .. you have to go get water all by yourself from the fridge. You have search for your car keys, remote control etc all by yourself.

We have increased their salaries and extended their perks, accommodation, TV, cable connection, gas supply, occasional dinner with family and a movie or so. They eat what we eat .. rice at Rs 40/ kg, chicken and lamb, fruits and nuts. But here’s the problem. The maids have come to realize just how invaluable they are. And that changes everything. They are getting less diligent, less punctual and more quarrelsome. Or they quit for greener pastures.

When it comes to attrition, Indian maids are worse than software engineers. Even software engineers last on an average one year at a job. If that weren’t bad enough, they just disappear. No notice period. No tearful farewell emails. Not even send-off at Café coffee Day. One day they are there, and the next day there’s a sinkful of dishes waiting to be cleaned.

At this rate, soon only the uber rich in India like the Ambanis and the likes will be able afford maids. Hard to imagine isn’t it?  Lemme make it easy for you, the John Lennon way

Imagine there's no maidservants
It's not easy even if you try
No one to wash our dishes
No one to dust our houses
Imagine all the people cleaning everyday

Imagine there's no maidservants
It isn't easy to do
Toilets to clean, floors to mop

And clothes to launder too
Imagine all the people living life in stink

You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but I may not be the only one
I hope that day never comes here
Or India and America will be one!

ALL about BALLS

Warning - This blog may be a little offensive. Reader discretion required especially for those with XY chromosome 

There are a lot of short term interesting jobs people do before they settle for the final one. Mine was the brief stint as a Filariasis Research Officer in Pondicherry where I had to go to the study village every fortnightly, meet the guys whom we had given the drugs and enquire whether they had fever with swelling of their 'balls'. ( Side note - I wonder whether the word 'to testify' came from the word 'testis'... since our ancestors may have sworn on theirs balls before the Holy books were used for swearing!)  

Back to my story... Geezz.....There are things people do for money, but enquiring about Ball Health was a little over the top... or should I say under the bottom?  But People.. believe me, I did it for a noble cause so that we could preserve the contraption which houses the little bastards for procreation. 

That’s not all. If the unfortunate guy did have a swelling, then my team leader would  take him inside his house and then assess the size of his balls. Thankfully since I was a lady Medical officer, both the patient and I were spared of the trauma of peering into his privates in the confines of his own house. I don't know what the wives thought of me, but I thought that 'Tamilian lungis' were convenient in more ways than one!

Over a period of time, we developed our own system of ball measurement - Lemon size, Orange size, Melon size. Now don’t ask me why we went fruity about the nutties. The process came to be known as RBA (Rapid Ball Assessment) and I did'nt patent it. Though, textbooks do mention an extreme condition, thankfully, I did’nt encounter any elephant size balls requiring a wheel barrow to lug it around . Ugh..

Heard that the medical fraternity has plans to eliminate the condition by 2020... so till then I guess its only best wishes for the boys :-)

An old elephant joke from college days. 

Qtn -1 Why did the elephant paint his balls red?

Ans -1 'Cos he wanted to hide among the cherry bush

Qtn -2 How did Tarzan die?

Ans -2 He tried plucking cherries from the bush.

This one is a jewel ...

Latest statement from the Queen via Buckingham Palace UK

"We confirm that the water in the pool was very very cold...!! One would not call this a good representation of our “Crown Jewels” ...!!

Flash back 15 years

17^th September 1997 was the day when I first came to Hyderabad. An appointment letter from the World Health Organization and a suitcase in hand, I boarded the Indian Airlines flight from Chennai and reached Begumpet. Took the ambassador cab which had to be pushed by couple of others to start, only to reach the nearest petrol station where the cabbie filled all of 1.652 litres of petrol just enough to get me to Koti. It took me 2 hours to reach, since Lord Ganesh was getting his customary annual immersion and the poor soul from Pondicherry was not aware of this practice.

Anyways checked into Hotel Siddartha at Koti. Have to mention that the reception guy asked me strange questions and the bell boy gave me stranger looks. It appeared that this was the first time a young (pretty)woman checked into this hotel all by herself and probably stayed all by herself for a whole week! Ahhh…I felt like a non-pregnant Vidya Balan in Kahaani, on a mission. Technically I was on a mission too - a mission to eradicate Polio. I was given 14 districts … entire Telangana and Vizag,Vizianagaram, Srikakulam, East and West Godavari. My job?...Well .. was to set up a surveillance system for reporting cases of paralysis among children. That’s how things work. We had to have a full proof system to establish that all cases were reported. If we only trusted our Indian Govt officials and politicians to do this, we would eradicated Polio ages back… at least on paper.

Now back to the first day in office. I had to report at the Commissionerate of Family Welfare at Koti, I took the manual rickshaw (where one has to almost squat …these things are now extinct) from the hotel at 8.45 am. Reached the office at 9.00am, only to find no one there. It was a scene out of Will Smith’s ‘ I am legend’… eerie..humanless and yes there was a dog. After almost an hour there appeared some one who looked like an officer, but later I came to know he was the attender but as good as a officer, since he did most things in that office. The cleaning lady came in at 10.30 and brought out at least 50 cigarette butts from no where. The rest of the govt. guys came in between 10.45- 11.am. I introduced myself. Then at 11.30 almost everyone disappeared ... no.. not in the ordering of reporting for work ... they disappeared all at once. It was apparently the GREAT HYDERABADI TEA BREAK. Anyways I introduced myself again after the tea break. Clearly I was not welcome there since I did not know Hindi, Urdu or Telugu ... neither did I smoke nor like Irani chai.

But the next few months changed it all. A hefty salary with perks, a 540 mm Mahindra jeep, a laptop, pager, mobile and most importantly the access to control nearly 30 lakhs for training all the govt doctors works like magic. Felt powerful driving the non-power steering jeep and felt important being the second person to carry the laptop to the govt meetings, after Mr Chandrababu Naidu. Btw, both these helped to me build my biceps … yepp those days, laptops weighed 5 kgs… and I was only 45 kgs then :-( 

The next few years saw me travel to the cities, towns, districts, mandals and villages. Stayed at hotels with room tariff of Rs 100- Rs10,000/ night. There were hotels with beauty parlors, some without and one low-budget hotel in a town in Adilabad district where the door bell rang at 6.am. I opened the door and saw this middle aged, strict looking man with a bag in hand and a scowl on his face. He introduced himself  ’ Main Barber hoon, shaving karna kya?’.  Don't know who was more shocked ... me or he when he realized I was the sole occupant of the room!

I can go on and on, but you guys would get bored. So I am cutting the long story short. I thoroughly enjoyed my work in this state. People are very warm and loving here. Never thought that I would settle here permanently but I did . Andhra Pradesh not only gave me a new life ... it gave a partner as well! 

Where do Jewellery come from?

In a recent party, one of our good friends told a joke on where jewellery comes from… and it is not the jewellery store. That where we buy it…here we are talking about where the money for the jewellery comes from. I cannot possibly put that one on this blog, so here’s an equivalent

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." Then the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very Pissed-off jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Traditionally in Indian families, it is a gift from parents during the marriage. Subsequently it is from the husband depending on many variables like how much he loves her, how well she pleases him or whether he is having an extra marital affair. Of course, there are instances where women like me buy their own jewellery. Heard somewhere that jewelry is the only thing that can take a women’s mind off wrinkles.

Indian women love gold. This is a widely known fact. Last week the People Daily Online, the official online newspaper of the communist Party of China carried an article wherein it said and I quote “In India it will be impolite if women go out without any jewellery. Among all kinds of jewellery Indians prefer gold. Indians have black skin and wearing gold jewelry can highlight this feature”  The thing I hate about this statement was commenting on Indian skin color in a derogatory kind of way….and the part I loved about the statement was not differentiating between North Indians and South Indians. Take note, my beloved North Indian friends, the world sees all of us Indians as dark, dusky and may be even dirty!!

Gold is just not for vanity. It also serves as an investment. A housewife could easily buy and just as easily convert it to cash. Now for some gold digging into the past. Veterans skip this part… this is for my young and new gold buyers. This list shows the trend of gold price per 10 gms in India over the last few decades... res ipsa loquitur !

1930 - Rs 18

1940 - Rs 36

1950 - Rs 99

1960 - Rs.111

1970 - Rs 184

1980 - Rs 1330

1990 - Rs 3200

2000 - Rs 4400

2010 - Rs 15000

2012 - Rs 32000

Whatever may be the source,... Ladies, go ahead and buy jewelry.!! 

And guys please take note

"All that glitters may not be gold

But gold was the first remote control, I am told"

From Jaywalking to Jai Walking

I love America for a number of reasons. One of the most important reasons is that pedestrians are given a lot of importance. Cars stop for them probably because they feel sorry they are on foot or because of stringent pedestrian-friendly traffic laws. But not so in Miami . That’s what I learnt from my recent visit. Welcome to the American city with the Indian kind of traffic sense. If you visited Miami with the idea that people were going to yield to you in crosswalks like the rest of American cities… you gotta think again. If pedestrians don’t get out of the way of drivers in Miami, they deserve what they get, which is, I guess, getting killed. They should actually put that as an advisory note for international tourists. For Indians they could actually write ‘Feel at home in Miami’.

Traveling on Indian Roads by foot is an humbling experience by itself which sometimes may be hilarious or sometimes exhilarating but always dangerous. Urban Indians have long acquired the skills of crossing a busy four lane traffic signal which has absolutely no ‘green’ signal for pedestrians. We have figured out which is the best time to make a kill and when to lie low. It is an art by itself. We know the maxim followed by all wheeled vehicles in India - Thou shall not slow or brake till you reach your destination' which can be read as ‘Do not falter or fail till you reach your goal’

We, the road travellers also follow a maxim – Live and let live. Live to see another day, without getting knocked down by trucks, buses, government vehicles and the occasional BMWs and Audis driven by drunken children of politicians, bureaucrats, businessmen and those with loads of ‘black’ money, which incidentally is all of the above. And letting live, by walking alongside cows, buffalos, bicycles, handcarts and the omnipresent Peedestrians ( Peeing Pedestrians... Ooooh Boy, I love this term I coined) 

For the new entrants to city life, the Road traffic Authorities should dole out some short courses for road travellers on ‘How to cross Indian roads?.. or  how to catch a bus in India .. and if you do catch a bus, how to hang on outside the bus without falling?

While on this topic, hope you guys know what Jaywalking means. It is a term commonly used in North America to refer to reckless pedestrian crossing the road causing disturbance to the traffic. By that definition, all our pedestrians would be considered as Jaywalkers. At least they are walking !!!  Signing off with this quote by Lewis Mumford, an American historian known for his study of cities and urban architecture,

"Restore human legs as a means of travel. Pedestrians rely on food for fuel 

and need no special parking facilities – 

The day Indians start using toilet paper

Time again to travel .. this time to US. My husband had let his first passport with 10 year validity, expire without a single visa stamping. That was before he met me. Now he is on the third passport within the same validity period since the pages got full. He has gotten so used to international travel. He has the same check-in bag whether we are off to Calcutta or Canada. But for international travel, he carries a small backpack with a quintessential empty mineral water bottle. Yes … AN EMPTY WATER BOTTLE!!  Am sure you have understood where am coming to - the empty bottle is a refill for butt-washing. The security check guys must be finding this weird. Others empty the water and throw the bottle ... whereas we throw the water and keep the empty bottle. 

I found this habit regressive initially ... Not anymore. 

Want to know why? - If every Indian starts using toilet papers, we would have to cut around 6 billion trees annually just for cleaning the tushies. At this rate we will cause more damage to the Earth than any other country can possible do.

An American or a Brit, who has only ever seen a toilet roll next to a toilet, may travel abroad and find one of the five following devices at his or her disposal.

• A porcelain bidet
• A bucket or barrel of water with a scooper ( found in most parts of India. Recently found this in 10 Downing St.. no .. not the one in UK.. but an upmarket night club in Hyderabad.. yes folks Hyderabad is having water problems )
• A shower spray called the health faucet (some call it bum shower)
• An electronic toilet seat that dispenses sprays or jets of warm water and may also air-dry the area (found this in Korea and Japan) 
• A pipe that shoots water upwards. (this one is tricky 'cos requires right placement)

There may be more systems than these five, but these are the common alternatives to simply using dry tissue paper to clean up. In rural and suburban India, it is not uncommon to see open air defecation ... railway track being an optional luxury. Quoting my dear friend George - 'Why do women cover their faces with the saree when pooping on the railway track?  Answer- One can identilfy the face.... but not the base!

Let us understand why westerners started using toilet papers. Using water to clean up was a bit uncomfortable out there due to the cold climate. Try cleaning your privates with ice cold water on a chill morning weather. Moreover, their food had less water content and their feces could be cleaned off easily with tissue papers as it was less messy. Wondering what they did before toilet paper?  ... well they used corncobs, sea shells, leaves and other natural resources.

But in a tropical country like India or other South East Asian countries, the usage of tissue papers to clean up could be considered nothing less than aping the western culture sans logic. Indian food has 70% water content and the poop is 85% water. It’s really messy to clean with tissue papers and that’s why we have been using water for many generations and we have been doing good.

If the westerners scoff at our habits, we have only to retort back that behind every half-clean tissue-wiped bottom are thousands of others using water to clean theirs. We , Indians, care for the environment ... butt naturally !!

Auto-filling your thoughts

Are you lost, unsure or bored? Then you can entertain yourself by trying some google autofills. It works like this... if you type the words “why do ” into Google’s query box it will lead you to a drop-down list of searches suggesting the next most likely conclusions. I have done this several times and trust me, it truly funny. These Google’s search engine algorithms, I understand are prompted by one’s location and often by search preferences. While some are in awe for its uncanny predictive accuracy, others find it as obnoxious as an intrusive Mom-in law.  I get a feeling the Google auto complete must have been designed by a married woman since they are adept in completing  thierhusbands' sentences, thoughts and questions.  

Try typing...'Is it Wr ' 

It is not only wrong Sir, it is probably a bad idea too to sleep with your mother, dog, cousin or your teacher. 


Here are some more funny ones. Type ' Do fa ', you would get the following prompts
1. Do farts light up on fire ?   (the answer is YES .. but don't try it.. there are simpler ways to have ur A** on fire like using certain words on ur boss)
2. Do farts have germs?  ( I checked out this one out and the answer is No ) 


Now on to some Indian Politicians 

Try Manmohan Singh.and the first thing which shows up is ..Manmohan Singh  is a puppet 

Try Narendra Modi and you will get 
.... is a married man
.....is a bastard
.... is a criminal
Narender Modi is not alone. A Japanese man discovered that the autocomplete function produced results of criminal acts in association with his name and has filed a petition against Google demanding it suspends the autocomplete function. 


Of late, many people have started hating Google instant. I wonder why the company is restricting the search when they claim they want to increase the user experience. Though there are various suggestions on how to turn off google's auto-suggestions by adjusting the settings, the simplest I do is ignore them and complete what I intended to. 


Either wear blinders or be prepared to get amused. 

Son over Self

Met up at a friends birthday party last week .. a few drinks down, good finger food and the Karachi bakery's  birthday cake kindled the arm chair activists in us and soon we were talking about 

UPA3 vs NDA

Rahul versus Modi

Congress vs Jagan

Chandra Babu Naidu vs other fitness experts ( assuming people compete only in their core  competence field)

Pranab Mukerjee vs .. well no one

Though the post for the president of India is a largely ceremonial post, this time it came up for a lot of debate.

The incumbent by all accounts had  the hallmarks of the government she represented  — ineffectual and damaged by accusations of corruption. Pratibha Devisingh Patil  was allotted defence land to build a cosy retirement nest. With 12 trips overseas since taking over, she also racked up foreign travel bills that cost India more than 2 billion rupees ($39 million), the most by any Indian head of state. Such lavishness has even led some to question the whole presidential institution within a parliamentary democracy. The president is the constitutional head but has limited powers, similar to that of the Queen in the UK despite living in a 340 room palace that was once the British Viceroy's residence .

If the position has limited power and Pranab Mukerjee is an epitome for austerity, then why this controversy .. controversy di?

Because … Pranab Mukerjee had to be cleared off the path to the prime ministerial post so that the Gandhi scion..... one Mr Rahul Gandhi can plonk his well moisturised derriere on it. If someone asked me I would rather have Amitabh Bachchan as the President. At least we wouldn’t need an interpreter to interpret his English or the chairman of the Tata Group, Mr Ratan Tata who is retiring in December may well be the best brand ambassador to project India’s growing business clout overseas. But who asks me ?

Good work to Mommy dear. She even got Mamta to do a complete U turn to support Pranabji. There are indications that she may even lead the 2014 campaign with Rahul as the PM candidate.  True Indian motherly feelings here. Son above self.  If she was any Italian she would be vying the chair herself. With over 500 political dynasties in India who between themselves have practically cornered almost all the political posts both in the centre and state, there is nothing wrong in one poor widow struggling to get her son into the family business.

Migliori auguri to Sonia!! ( ‘Best wishes’ in Italian) 

Midriff Crisis

Recently Walt Disney has decided to ban ads for junk food on its television channels, radio stations and websites, hoping to stop kids from eating badly and become obese. The reason?  ... more than one-third of U.S. adults (35.7%) are obese. I guess they are not too concerned about the person having obesity-related conditions like heart disease, stroke, diabetes as much as the costs associated with obesity which is expected to run over $344 billion. Non health-related changes include replacing wall-mounted toilets with floor models to better support obese patients. better buses for heavier riders, more gasoline consumption etc. Its all about money finally. 


May be they should learn a few things from the Japanese. Thanks to an Anti-obesity law passed in 2008, the middle aged Japanese across the nation are pulling up their shirts to have their midriff measured. A male with a waistline of more than 33.5 inches is considered fat. For a female, the limit is 35.4 inches. Those with excessive junk in the trunk are forced to undergo counseling with a doctor. The country simply said, “Heyy buddy, you look fat in that outfit. In fact you look fat in every outfit because ..get this,  YOU ARE FAT.  You need to see someone about that, man.” That's not it. For every grotesquely fat employee, the company gets hit by a fine. 


On one hand, this seems absolutely crazy and sounds like the kind of horrible eugenic policy that Hitler would admire. But when you think about it, it seems that only the truly crazy ones can get this thing done. The goal of all this is to prevent Japan from experiencing an obesity epidemic like other industrialized nations (read US)  Less the overweight people, lower the health care costs. It's time America institutes some of its own bizarre laws to have slimmer people. 


India is not far behind. The overall obesity average is 12%. Punjab is almost in par with America - 30% males and 37% females !!!  States like Bihar, MP and Bengal have the lowest rate 5-6%. Is India doing anything at all?  The answer is No. We did nothing for educating people on Diabetes and today we proudly have the title of being the Diabetic capital of the world. 

Obesity is not a personal problem. Individual choices would help though. But any intelligent government with reasonable long sightedness (not ours definitely) would consider it as a public health problems and tackle it accordingly. I have often wondered why many people are comfortable in their plus sized clothes. Their logic probably is 

"When we lose twenty pounds…we may be losing the best twenty pounds we have!

 We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.”

- Woody Allen

But Life still goes on

June continues to be the dullest month in the year. Was reading my last year blog 'June the Monday of the month' ( http://sandwichandpeanuts.blogspot.in/2011/06/june-monday-of-months.html). I  could as well repeat the same. Not much has changed. IPL got over. Ramdev is back in the news. He has got his timing right since this is only time when he can make it to the  headlines. Shahrukh is back on chat shows. Jagan is still having problems. And poor Mamata was in  the limelight for having done a jig at Eden garden. Heat continues ... monsoons delayed ... power cuts.. water problem .. petrol hike...gold crossed Rs 30,000 .. rupee falls further...one odd bandh. But life still goes on.


We are living in uncertain times and there seems to be no early end in sight. We create opportunities to be happy. America celebrated June 1 as the National Donut Day!!  Dunkin Donuts gave away one free donut with the purchase of every beverage.  


The rest of the European countries meanwhile have increased the level of security threat in the wake of recent events in Central Europe. I am quoting below the complete article by John Cleese on  ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE.since it is the funniest I have read in the recent times. 


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "angry Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.


-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person 


A final thought Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Seven Year Itch

My seventh wedding anniversary definitely called for something special ... from Saat phere to tiding over the seven year itch is not something easy these days. Heard from somewhere that this period is drastically lowered from six months to four years these days. Btw there is special color for the seventh year too.. it is off-white.

Our options were limited. Most of our close friends were travelling. If one couple went to Kenya, the other were holidaying in Czech and another had left to Belarus. Yes.. you heard that right .. Belarus, a small landlocked country south of Russia with a population of 9.5 million, a little more than Hyderabad. Anyways the point here is (1) People are travelling everywhere (2) No friends .. no party.

One option was to spend the night ‘royally’ … just the two of us and what better way to do it than staying in one India's magnificent palace hotels, the nearest palace hotel being Taj Falanama. But with the temperature hovering around 42C, the idea evaporated as quickly as it came. I still have great fascination for palaces and greater respect for the kings. The ability to have maintained so many wives speaks for itself. Wondering whether they celebrated their wedding anniversary or just married every year? 

Anyways we brought in the celebration by clubbing and then went out for midnight dinner.. just the two of us.  We decided to simplify the customary mutual gift exchange ceremony. We shopped for ourselves and had lunch at home. And what better way to finish the day than an 'IPL after hours party'? ... that too, in a day when the Decccan Chargers won one decent match against Bangalore which sent Chennai into the semifinal... Geeez, that Dhoni guy is sure lucky. Watched the cheer leaders shake their booties, the super models walk the ramp, some of the players, supporters and commentators catching up over a drink. 

We ran through the memory lane just for kicks ... Jab We Met to Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. But somewhere in a quiet unsaid moment we added an annual ring to our relationship. 

In the final seventh phere, the couple pray for togetherness, loyalty and understanding between themselves. After that, there are no more rounds. You only add rings - rings that affirm the strength of the relationship. 


Let me dedicate this Shania Twain's number on this occasion 'You are still the one'


They said "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life

Vicky Donor or Picky choosers?

"Wanted  IITian sperm, healthy donor, no bad habits, tall and fair if possible but will consider the right donor regardless of looks etc. Time is of the essence, so please call asap. Compensation twenty thousand rupees cash" . This was online ad posted by a Chennai couple earlier this year. It amused me but not enough to write a blog. But with the new Bollywood movie ‘Vicky donor’ bringing in the topic of sperm donation and insemination to the Indian masses, I thought its time.

Are the IITians the most desirable for a good looking high IQ level progeny?  Considering the time that an average IIT student (for that matter any professional college student ) spends alone, watching porn, it’s better to sell it than ... you know… 'flush it down the drain’.  IITians are anyway going to take over the world in a few years. They are the ones who will write books, they are the ones who will crack CAT, manage MNCs, join politics, invent stuff etc. So no harm there asking for their sperms, but I would put my money on an IIM graduate, since most IITians anyways proceed to do a MBA.

We seem to have a choice here. Let me call it the ‘Cafeteria approach’.  We have the IIT sperm, the IIM sperm, then the medical college sperm. For a lower price we may have the Regional Engineering College sperms and other colleges.

Lets widen our net and look at other interesting sperm donor cohorts too .. IPL player or any  other young sports person, politicians, actors, models  or... wait a sec, how about a combination .. a cricketer turned politician or IIM graduate turned actor.  I recall a senior  gynecologist friend of mine who worked in a corporate hospital in Hyderabad telling me that in 1980's  their main donors were night watchmen (Poor guys.. what a job)  I guess, we have come a long way!!

Now about the cost, Rs 20,000  for an IITian ($400) seems to be a little low since a Ph.D in America gets around $500/ ejaculation as against a college degree holder who get $160. We could standardize the rate as we did for our capitation fees. For the IPL player sperms, we could go in for an auction.

Ironically, the World's largest sperm bank is the ‘California Cryobank’ in the United States, though India and China have the world's largest population. Four US sperm banks control 65 percent of the global sperm market and US exports sperm to over 60 countries. In short, American sperm rocks. This is one area where India has been caught with its pants up. Our men spend most of their time adjusting their crotches in public when they could be spreading the goodness around the world. Sadly, our ballgame is cricket.

In a way, it is good that Indians are not big time into sperm choosing.. or else we would have ads like.

'Wanted  sperms from fair, tall, good looking, healthy, successful, highly educated Religion - Hindu/ Muslim/ Christian,  Caste - Brahmin/ Rajput/ Reddy, Community -  Marathi/ Telugu/ Bengali,  with no family history of Obesity, Diabetes, BP, Cancer, premature baldness or greying'

 And marriage ads will be short and sweet

‘Wanted Rich Male'